


A Look Into Merlin and Arthur's Relationship Throughout The Years

by SpirkTrekker42



Series: Merlin's Struggle's Universe [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Post-Magic Reveal, Sexy Times, Soul Bond, Telepathy, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 01:03:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9266831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpirkTrekker42/pseuds/SpirkTrekker42
Summary: This is a peek into Arthur and Merlin's life, when they have an established secret relationship.  Most chapters are fluffy, funny, or pr0n, but some are serious.  There is no particular order to these, unless they have a Part I and Part II.It goes along with my other fic, Merlin's Struggles, but it can be read alone and you'll still understand it.   Basically, Arthur and Merlin got together, then Uther died, and Arthur became king.  He made magic legal and appointed Merlin as Court Sorcerer.   Merlin opened a magic school with Morgana.  Arthur married Gwen to save her from ridicule because she got pregnant with Lancelot's baby before they got married.  (They thought Lance had been killed in a raid, but happily he comes back months later.)  Arthur and Gwen rule Camelot, but they have secret relationships with Merlin and Lance respectively.  This is their story.





	1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Merlin does not belong to me.

Now, enjoy the Merthur fluffy bonus chapter while they cuddle in bed and read Ygraine’s diary. I had some extra entries left over that I didn’t use so I thought this could be a way to share them. Think of them as outtakes. I also wanted an excuse to write Merthur fluff, since I had them be at odds with each other for so long. Hope you like!

.~.

Bonus Chapter (Merthur Fluff/Smut with extra diary entries)

.~.

The night that Arthur called the first meeting of the Council of the Round Table, he and Merlin got a chance to spend some time together. After they ate dinner, they prepared for the night and ended up snuggled together in Arthur’s bed. This time, Merlin held Arthur, putting his arm around the king’s stomach. Arthur sighed with relief, needing the comfort of Merlin’s touch. He’d asked for Merlin to hold him using their mind-link. It was somehow easier to do that than to voice it out loud. Merlin was only happy to oblige, as times when Arthur let Merlin hold him were few and far between.

“I’m so proud of you today,” Merlin praised his king. “Taking the first step toward uniting the five kingdoms. I know that took courage.”

“It was a little scary announcing that,” Arthur admitted. “It’s a lofty goal. What if I can’t make it happen? I’ll look a fool.”

“You’ll make it happen,” said Merlin. “You’re destined to.”

“That’s not a guarantee,” said Arthur, but what Merlin said did make him feel a little better. “I know everyone on the new council wants to work for peace, but it’s going to be a long process before we can get the other kings to agree to our terms. In fact, they may not agree to all of them.”

“Perhaps not right away,” said Merlin. “But perhaps, in time, you can convince them. You’re very persuasive, you know.”

“Mmmm,” said Arthur, turning over so he could face Merlin. They gazed deeply into each other’s eyes, and Merlin’s traitorous heart began to pound. Whenever Arthur looked at him like that, he became ridiculously turned on. That was insane because Arthur hadn’t even touched him yet...

“You know, there was one thing I’ve always wanted to ask you,” said the king.

“Yes?”

“The day that we met, did you think I was attractive?” Arthur asked.

“I hated your guts,” Merlin reminded him. “You put me in the dungeon on my first day in Camelot!”

“That’s not what I asked,” said Arthur in a sing-song voice.

Merlin sighed, knowing his answer would only serve to inflate Arthur’s ego. But he decided to tell the truth. “Yes, I thought you were attractive.”

“I knew it!” Arthur crowed, looking too smug for Merlin’s taste.

“What about you? Did you think I was attractive?” Merlin asked, fully expecting Arthur to say no, that attraction came later after he’d gotten to know Merlin and came to love him for his personality.

“Yes.” Arthur colored a little. “I thought it was hot the way you stood up to me. It made me take notice of you, as if I hadn’t already. You’re quite easy on the eyes.”

“Right. I’m nothing special to look at,” said Merlin. “You, on the other hand… some days I can’t believe you picked me when you could have anyone else in the world.”

Arthur frowned at that. “I don’t think you know how truly beautiful you are, Merlin,”

“With these ears?” Merlin chuckled. “I don’t think so.”

“No, you are,” Arthur insisted. “Your eyes, they’re so full of life and wonder, and are the most scintillating blue. Your cheekbones are perfectly sculpted, you have a strong nose, and your smile! Your smile reaches all the way to your eyes. I love to watch you smile - it warms my heart to see you happy.”

“When I smile, you get to see my big buck teeth,” said Merlin.

“Your teeth are adorable,” Arthur assured him. “So are your ears.”

“I don’t want to be adorable,” Merlin pouted. “I want to be attractive.”

“You are!” Arthur said. “Good lord, Merlin. People stare at you all the time. Haven’t you noticed?”

“Only because they want to look at the court sorcerer,” Merlin insisted. “They’re probably worried I’ll cast as spell on them.”

“You’re impossible!” Arthur threw up his hands. “You don’t seem to be listening to any of the compliments I’m giving you, so let’s try this. Do you think I would bind myself at a soul level to someone who wasn’t attractive, in every sense of the world?”

“Well, no,” said Merlin. “You’d only want the best.”

“Exactly,” said Arthur, beaming at his sorcerer. “And I have the best.”

“Right,” said Merlin, sounding dubious.

“Why can’t you just accept a compliment, Merlin?” Arthur looked a little hurt.

“Because I’m still expecting you to ask me for something after you give me a compliment,” Merlin admitted.

“I don’t do that anymore,” said Arthur, affronted. “From now on, whenever I compliment you, there are no strings attached. Got it?”

“Got it,” said Merlin, giving Arthur his trademark toothy smile. “Arthur?”

“Yes, love?”

“Can we read some more of your mum’s diary? I really want to give it to Rowan as soon as possible, so he can read about what his parents are like.”

“Of course. You know, you’re always thinking of others,” said Arthur, sporting a tiny grin. “That’s something else about you that I like - you’re selfless. Even when Rowan committed crimes that almost got us killed, you still want to do something nice for him.”

“It’s what anyone would do,” Merlin demurred.

“No, it’s not,” Arthur said seriously. “Most people don’t think like that. They wouldn’t go out of their way to help someone who wronged them. You have a good heart, Merlin, and it shows.”

“Umm, thanks?” Merlin shrugged his shoulders.

Arthur grinned at him. “See, that wasn’t that hard, was it?”

“I could get used to it,” Merlin realized. He thought about all that Arthur had said to him, about how attractive he was, inside and out. Perhaps he really was all those things. 

//Merlin, of the two of us, I got the better deal.// Arthur insisted. //Trust me on that.//

Merlin didn’t realize he was mentally projecting. //I don’t know, I managed to land myself a king,// said Merlin, but he mentally sent his love to Arthur for his kind words. 

“Merlin, you had to wait for years while I slowly grew into the man I am now,” said Arthur. “I didn’t have to wait for you to change. You were perfect the first day that I met you.”

“I had to grow to like you,” said Merlin. “I wasn’t keen to be your servant at first, if you remember.”

“What are you talking about? I know the truth. You always wanted to serve me,” said Arthur, and Merlin threw a pillow at him in response. 

“That’s the clotpole I know and love,” said Merlin.

“Bring me that diary, Merlin,” Arthur ordered, just for old time’s sake. 

“No problem,” said Merlin. He located the diary and used his magic to transport it to him. He and Arthur sat up against the headboard, with pillows behind them for comfort so they could read the diary together. “Where did we leave off?”

“I think it was when my parents were so desperate to have a child that they asked the witch Nimueh to help them conceive. My mum was worried that if that didn’t work, they’d never be able to have a child, and that she’d have to divorce my dad,” said Arthur.

“That’s right,” said Merlin. He flipped to the next unread entry. He cleared his throat and began to read.

Diary Entry 11

It worked! Thanks to Nimueh’s magic, I’ve conceived. Oh, I’m so happy I could cry! My mood has taken a turn for the better. Instead of overwhelming sadness, I’m filled with so much joy. I can’t stop talking about it, telling anyone who will listen that I’m going to be a mother and that soon the kingdom will have a young prince or princess. 

“I’m so glad that being pregnant with me made my mum so happy,” said Arthur. “She said she’d been depressed beforehand, when she thought she couldn’t have a child.”

“I’m just fortunate that you were born, whatever the circumstances,” said Merlin. He read on.

Uther is thrilled beyond belief. He has become more openly affectionate with me, and he’s always trying to do things for me even though I’m perfectly capable of doing them at this early stage of my pregnancy. I’m too overjoyed to say anything, so I just let him since I know it makes him feel good. I wonder if I’ll be having a boy or a girl? Uther really wants a boy, since he would legally be the future king. It would be trickier to put a girl on the throne – historically, Camelot has had only kings. But I’m confident that if we had a girl, I could convince Uther to bend the rules for our daughter. Nimueh will tell us in a few months what the sex of the baby is. I don’t care as long as he or she is healthy. Until then! 

“That’s neat that your mother would’ve wanted to put a girl on the throne,” said Merlin. “She was very open minded, unlike...”

“Unlike my father,” Arthur finished. “I wonder how my mum was going to convince my dad to do that?”

“How do I persuade you to do things?” Merlin reminded him, laughing when Arthur realized the truth. 

“I don’t want to think about my parents like that!” Arthur made a face. “Gross.” He decided to move away from that idea, and keep reading. This time, Arthur read the entry out loud.

Diary Entry 12

We’re having a boy! Ruadhan was able to determine the sex of the baby by using his magic. We wasted no time in naming him. We’re going to call him Arthur, because it sounds very close to Uther’s name and because it means ‘strong’. He will definitely need strength to rule the kingdom, both physical strength and inner strength. I can’t wait to meet Arthur! I hope he will love me as much as I know I will love him. I’ve taken to talking to him and rubbing my stomach whenever he kicks. Uther makes fun of me, insisting that the baby can’t hear me, but I enjoy it nonetheless. I’m really looking forward to taking care of my son and bonding with him as only a mother can. 

“I never knew the reason why they named me Arthur,” the king mused. 

“It’s a name fit for a king,” said Merlin. “I’m just glad they didn’t name you Uther.”

“That would’ve been bad,” Arthur shuddered. “I’m my own person, separate from a tyrant like him.”

“He wouldn’t have been, had your mother lived,” Merlin reminded him. Arthur read on.

Of course, Arthur will bond with Uther as well. I know my husband will make a strict but wonderful father. I know that our son will need much schooling and physical training, but I made Uther promise that he’ll allow Arthur some time to play, especially with children his own age. Even though Arthur is to be the prince, I want him to grow up as normally as possible. I want him to learn that everyone’s life is to be valued, even if their station is below yours. Uther balked at this philosophy at first, saying it wasn’t at all how he was raised. But eventually, he relented. I know I can be very persuasive, and that he will usually cave to my demands. I try not to abuse that power. I just want our son to have the best possible life that he can. The last thing I want is for him to be as distant as Uther was when I first met him. I want him to be in touch with the people’s needs, to have compassion for those who have less than he. When he grows up, I want him to find the person he loves and give everything he has to make the relationship work. I can’t wait to show him these things through my example. 

“But I never did get to see her example,” Arthur said sadly, as they put the book away. It was the last entry, save for Uther’s revealing note about how he had killed his court sorcerer. “My father disregarded all of her excellent advice, and raised me in the way that his father raised him. If only my mother had lived, my life would have be different.”

“You can’t dwell on the what-ifs,” said Merlin.

“I know,” said Arthur, his voice tinged with sadness. “I still wish that I’d known her. You’re lucky that you got to meet her, in the world beyond this one.”

“She said she was very proud of you,” Merlin reminded him. “And that she approved of our relationship.”

“It would’ve been nice to have had the support of a living parent,” said Arthur. “There was no way I could’ve ever tell my father about us. He wouldn’t have understood, or approved. If he’d known, he probably would’ve done anything in his power to keep us apart.”

Merlin shivered. “That would’ve been awful.”

“You’re lucky that Hunith supports us,” said Arthur. 

“She figured out that I had a crush on you before I did, and that you had a crush on me,” Merlin admitted. “She told me that she thought you liked me,” said the warlock. “I didn’t know what she really meant at the time.”

“Your mum is an exceptional woman, accepting the fact that you like men.”

“One man in particular,” Merlin corrected. “It doesn’t surprise me that she’s alright with me being with you. She accepted my magic, didn’t she?”

“That’s true,” Arthur considered. 

“You may not have had parental support, but we have the support of our friends,” Merlin reminded him. “Gwen, Lancelot, and Morgana especially. Even Geoffrey knows and approves! Then there’s also Rowan and Galahad.”

“Speaking of Galahad, most of the knights know,” Arthur admitted. 

Merlin looked at him in surprise and trepidation. “Did you tell them? Arthur! I thought you said we were trying to keep it quiet.”

“Gwaine guessed,” Arthur grumbled. “I denied it, but I think my tone of voice gave it away somehow.”

“See? I’m not the only one,” said Merlin, remembering the time when he tried to deny their relationship in front of Caelia and Bruin. He didn’t want to dwell on that, since both of his students had recently died at the hands of dark sorcerers. “How did the other knights find out?” Merlin asked.

“You know Gwaine - he can’t keep his big mouth shut, especially when he’s drinking.”

“I suppose it can’t be helped now,” said Merlin. “What do they think about it?”

“It doesn’t seem to bother them, as far as I know,” said Arthur. “No one has said anything to my face about it, nor have they treated me any differently. They’ve all remained loyal to me. I certainly won’t confirm their suspicions, but if they know, they know.” 

“I wonder if Gwen’s baby will figure it out eventually?” Merlin mused.

“Probably,” said Arthur. “As much as Gwen and I will try to act like we’re together, I can’t help but favor you, and she can’t help but favor Lance. I think that when the child gets older, they’ll understand about our arrangement. It’s not something to dwell on now.”

“You’re right,” said Merlin.

“Of course I am,” said Arthur, and puffed out his chest. 

Merlin took that opportunity to tickle Arthur’s underarms. 

“Hey!” Arthur glared at him, pushing Merlin away. He was really ticklish, and he didn’t want to demonstrate his high-pitched giggle in front of Merlin, who would never let him live it down. “That’s no way to treat your king.”

“How should I treat you, my lord?” Merlin breathed. “Should you be needing any of my services this evening?”

Arthur almost groaned aloud. He couldn’t believe that Merlin was initiating role play, especially using their former roles as prince and servant. They’d never done that - when Arthur suggested it, Merlin had said he wasn’t comfortable doing that just yet, and asked Arthur to be patient with him. Arthur, of course, had complied. 

“Yes, I believe I will,” said Arthur. “I want you to give me a bath, and scrub me all over so that I’m clean for tomorrow. I have a big day ahead and I want to look my best.”

“Sire, I-I don’t know if that would be appropriate,” said Merlin with a genuine blush. “I’ve never seen a man naked before, much less washed them.” So Merlin was going to play the innocent, untouched virgin.

It was official - Arthur LOVED roleplay.

“It will be strictly professional,” said Arthur. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’m not going to jump you when I’m naked.” //Unless you want me to// Arthur thought at Merlin.

//You know I do// Merlin answered back, but his verbal answer was quite different.

“Very well,” said Merlin. “Strictly professional. As you command, my king.” //Can I use magic?// He asked.

//What kind of dumb question is that?// Arthur replied. //Of course you should use magic.//

//Oh.// Merlin blushed. //I didn’t know if you wanted it to be exactly how things were between us back when I was just your servant. I didn’t want to ruin the illusion. If you need me to be ordinary, clumsy Merlin, I can.//

//Don’t be an idiot.// Arthur thought angrily. //I don’t EVER want you to stop using magic, even during times like these. You never need my permission for that. I wouldn’t want you to deny something that is so integral to your identity. Alright?//

//Thanks. I didn’t want to do it without magic anyway.// Merlin admitted. 

He magically readied the bath, and waited for Arthur to get in. “It’s ready,” said Merlin, wondering why his king was stalling.

“You have to undress me,” Arthur ordered, motioning at himself with his arms. 

“Oh,” said Merlin. “I forgot.” He honestly had forgotten. It felt so long ago that he’d had that particular duty. Arthur preferred to dress himself these days, finding it to be much more practical than having to wait for Merlin to do it. 

“You’re such a brainless half-wit,” said Arthur. “I don’t know why I put up with you.” //I love you, Merlin.//

“It’s not easy putting up with you, either,” Merlin said, feeling quite daring. “You’re such an ass.” //I love you too, Arthur.// 

“How dare you,” Arthur seethed. “Merlin, you can’t speak to me like that, even if no one else is around. You know, I’ve only let you keep this position out of the goodness of my heart.”

“What goodness is there in the heart of a prat?” Merlin retorted. The air crackled between them, and Arthur almost gave up on the roleplay, wishing to take Merlin then and there. But he really wanted to see how this would play out, so he retrained his urges for now.

“I’ll let that go because I’m a merciful man,” said Arthur. “Now, get on with it.” 

Merlin complied, and began to undress his king. Flawless pale skin was slowly revealed to him as Merlin removed each article of clothing, one by one. His hands trembled when he finally came to Arthur’s undergarment. He paused, uncertainly, and looked up at Arthur with an unspoken question on his lips.

“Go on,” the king encouraged. Arthur was thrilled with Merlin’s superb acting. It was almost as if Merlin was seeing him naked for the first time. 

Merlin pulled the undergarment down, releasing Arthur’s penis from its confines. To Merlin’s mortification, It was quite erect. The young warlock’s eyes grew wide, as he took in the sight of Arthur’s penis for the ‘first time’. “I’ve never seen one do that before,” he squeaked out. 

“You’ve never seen your own do that?” Arthur teased.

“Well, yes but…” Merlin stammered. “I mean, I’ve never seen another person’s before.”

“I get one every time I take a bath,” Arthur flippantly told him. “It’s perfectly normal - nothing to be concerned with.”

“Oh.” Merlin looked relieved.

Arthur quickly got in the bath and sat down in the warm water. Closing his eyes, he let out a sigh of pleasure, which went straight to Merlin’s groin. Arthur remained like that for a few minutes, just relaxing in the water, leaving Merlin the chance to drink in the king’s bare, fighting-fit body.

Of course, the king just had to ruin the perfectly good moment. “Don’t just stand there, you lazy sot.” Arthur glared at Merlin. “Wash me.”

“Yes, Sire,” Merlin said obediently, properly chastised. He took the washcloth and rubbed some soap on it. He got down on his knees and began to wash the king. Merlin’s hand began to tremble just a tad as he brushed the washcloth over Arthur’s chest, back, neck, and arms. He made sure to keep it steady when he was working on Arthur’s face. He didn’t wish to damage that gorgeous visage in any way, or anger the king by accidentally getting soap in his eyes.

“Merlin, you’re getting water everywhere,” Arthur complained after Merlin finished with his arms. 

“Sorry.” Merlin cast a quick spell and cleaned up the water. 

“I’m glad you finally told me yesterday about your magic. What else can you do with it?” Arthur asked.

“Lots of things,” said Merlin. 

“Show me,” said Arthur.

Merlin’s eyes flashed gold and suddenly there was a small golden dragon resting in the palm of his hand. It was made from magical particles, and it began to fly close to Arthur.

“It’s the dragon from my family crest,” Arthur pointed out as it flew slow circles around them both. 

“Yes,” said Merlin. “It’s a very important symbol to me. It reminds me of your last name - Pendragon. You have so much power behind that name, my lord.”

“People are often attracted to people who have as much power as me,” Arthur said offhandedly. “It’s such a problem. I never know if people want me because I’m royalty, or because my body is so attractive, or if they really like my personality.” He gave Merlin a knowing stare. “Sometimes I don’t know who I can trust.”

“You can trust me, Sire,” Merlin said quietly. “I would never betray you.”

“I don’t know,” said Arthur with a twinkle in his eye. “Sometimes you refuse my direct orders.”

“Ask me to do something,” said Merlin. “I promise I’ll comply.”

“Really?” Arthur grinned.

“Yes.”

“Excellent! I want you to keep washing me.”

Merlin sighed. “Fine. Stick your legs out of the water so I can reach them.” //I hope this is going where I think this is going.//

//Way ahead of you.// “No, I don’t think so,” said Arthur, the smugness oozing from his voice. “I don’t feel like moving.”

“Then how am I supposed to wash the rest of you?”

“You have to get in the tub,” Arthur said with a triumphant smile.

“What?” Merlin paled.

“You heard me.”

“Fine.” He wasn’t about to lose Arthur’s little challenge. Merlin took his shoes off, and gingerly stepped into the water.

“Merlin.” The you idiot was strongly implied. “You still have your clothes on.”

“Well spotted,” said Merlin.

“You’ll get your clothes all wet!”

“I can magic them dry!” //So there// Merlin thought.

But Arthur knew how to think on his feet. “Merlin, that’s ridiculous. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that you were afraid to strip down in front of me.”

“I am not!” Merlin cried, but his blush gave him away.

“I think you are. I think you’re nothing but a coward,” Arthur goaded.

“I’m not a coward, and I’ll prove it.” Merlin removed all of his clothes except for his undergarment. He looked desperately at Arthur. “I’m keeping this on.”

“A ha,” said Arthur. “That’s what you’re afraid of. Think you can’t measure up to me?” He teased. 

“Forget it,” said Merlin, already moving to put his pants back on. “This was a dumb idea.”

“Merlin, wait,” Arthur said softly. “You really are worried what I would think,” he realized. “You don’t need to be.”

“You’ll just make fun of me like you always do,” Merlin said, sounding bitter. “I’m always the butt of the joke with you.” 

//The butt?// Arthur tried to keep from laughing, but it was hard.

//Thought you’d like that bit// said Merlin.

“Merlin, I promise I won’t make fun of you,” Arthur swore.

“The last time I undressed around other boys, they mocked me for a month. I don’t feel comfortable doing that ever again.”

“I promise on my honor as the next king of Camelot that I won’t make fun of you,” said Arthur. “Good lord, Merlin. You can’t go on like that! You can’t let that fear control you. Come on, let me see. It can’t be that bad.”

Merlin warily regarded the king, but decided to take a chance and trust him. He took off his undergarment and let Arthur look.

“It’s…” Arthur trailed off as he got a good look.

“Small,” Merlin groaned. “I knew it!” 

//I was going to say beautiful// said Arthur.

//Flatterer// said Merlin, but he was pleased. He remembered how worried he’d been when he’d really first shown Arthur what he looked like naked. It turned out that those worries were all for naught. Arthur was just happy that he got to see what Merlin looked like without clothes on. 

“I didn’t say that!” Arthur insisted. “I’d say it’s average size. Nothing to be ashamed about.”

“Really?” Merlin looked hopeful.

“Yes,” Arthur insisted. “I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“That’s not what those guys said,” Merlin mumbled. “They said I was tiny.”

“Forget them,” said Arthur. “I’m royalty. What I say is true.” 

“Thanks,” Merlin said quietly.

“You still have to wash me,” Arthur insisted.

Merlin sighed. “Very well.” He sat down in the bath and Arthur placed his left leg in Merlin’s lap. Merlin took the washcloth and lovingly cleaned Arthur’s left leg, and then his right, making sure to wash in between each toe.

“Done,” said Merlin, as Arthur pulled his leg away.

“Not yet you’re not,” said Arthur. “You haven’t cleaned all of me.”

“Sire!” Merlin flushed. “Surely you can’t be suggesting…”

“Oh, come on, Merlin,” Arthur goaded. 

“Arthur, this isn’t very professional,” Merlin tried.

“Sure it is. I’m simply utilizing your services as my servant. There’s nothing untoward about it.”

“Arthur! We’re both naked in your bathtub! Anyone could come in and make the wrong conclusion as to what’s really going on here. Doesn’t that bother you?”

“No,” said Arthur, sounding rather nonchalant. 

“No, of course it doesn’t,” Merlin grumbled.

“I’m still waiting,” said Arthur with a grin. 

Merlin tried not to glare at Arthur. He thought that the prince was enjoying this predicament a bit too much. He seemed to thrive on making Merlin feel miserable. Well, two could play that game. Merlin would quickly wash the rest of the prince, and then make his escape. 

“Stand up,” Merlin told him.

//I already am// Arthur teased.

//Not what I meant// said Merlin, but he let Arthur feel his amusement.

“Are you giving the orders now?” Arthur teased, but he complied. 

Merlin knelt down before Arthur and readied the washcloth in his hand.

“Don’t use that,” said Arthur. “It feels uncomfortable when you use it on me down there.”

“What am I supposed to use? My bare hands?” Merlin said sarcastically.

“Yes,” said Arthur. To his credit, he was able to keep a straight face. “That’s what I do.”

Merlin tried really hard not to imagine Arthur touching himself but didn’t succeed.

//Shut up!// Merlin said before Arthur could say anything.

//I wasn’t going to say a word about how you were thinking about me touching myself.//

//Arthur! I’m trying to focus here.//

//Sorry. Do continue.// said Arthur.

“The things I do to keep you happy,” Merlin muttered. “This goes way beyond the call of duty.” He took the soap in his hands and rubbed them together. Then he very carefully touched Arthur’s cock and balls. After about ten seconds of this, Arthur’s cock twitched, showing them how much it enjoyed Merlin’s familiar touch.

“Does it hurt?” Merlin worried as he gently stroked Arthur the way he knew would drive him wild.

“No-ohhhh. I was just startled,” Arthur assured him. Then he directed their attention to Merlin’s penis. “Look, you’re getting hard, too!”

“I’m sorry.” Merlin blushed crimson. He was surprised it hadn’t happened before now. “I don’t know why that’s happening.”

“Don’t worry,” Arthur breathed. “It’s just your reaction to taking a bath. It’s perfectly innocent.”

“Right,” said Merlin.

//Where the hell did you come up with that?// Merlin had to ask.

//I made it up.// said Arthur.

//It’s ridiculous. No one in their right mind would believe that they’d get an erection from taking a bath.//

//You’re ridiculous// was Arthur’s clever retort.

“Turn around, I need to wash your backside,” Merlin instructed. “I suppose you don’t like the washcloth there either.”

“Sure don’t,” Arthur said happily.

Merlin couldn’t believe that Arthur was giving him another chance to touch him in such an intimate place. He soaped up his hands well, and then began to knead Arthur’s cheeks. 

“That feels… amazing,” Arthur ground out. He loved it when Merlin would give him a butt massage and vice versa. They hadn’t done that in awhile, not since before Merlin’s difficulties with dark magic.

“Just trying to be thorough, Sire,” said Merlin, loving the feel of Arthur’s firm buttocks beneath his hands. He finally stopped his motions, as his hands were getting tired. “I’ve washed every part of you. Would you like a towel?”

“Not yet,” said Arthur. “You haven’t washed yet.”

“That’s alright,” said Merlin, his heart rate going up again, as he thought about how that situation might play out. “I think most of the dirt has washed away. I can scrub with soap another time. I really don’t enjoy that part.”

“What if I scrubbed you?” Arthur quietly offered. Merlin’s heart and dick both leapt at that. He absolutely loved it whenever Arthur washed him. It just felt to intimate somehow. He felt so cherished when Arthur reverently washed the grime off of his court sorcerer. It was a special time just for them, to remind them of the true nature of their relationship.

“I don’t know if that’s appropriate. I’m the servant, not you,” Merlin reminded Arthur.

“That’s not all you are to me,” Arthur confessed. “Please, Merlin?”

//Hmm, should I protest?// Merlin thought slyly.

//Please don’t! I want to get on with it// Arthur begged.

“Alright. If you really want to, you can wash me,” Merlin relented.

“Good,” said Arthur. He found the washcloth, added some soap, then followed the same process that Merlin had when he’d been washing Arthur. When it was time for Arthur to touch Merlin’s penis, Merlin looked up at Arthur, afraid how he might react. 

“Be gentle,” Merlin pleaded. 

As if Arthur would ever be anything else. Arthur took hold of Merlin’s penis and began to clean it by giving it firm, long strokes from the base to tip.

“I think it’s clean,” Merlin squeaked as he tried to maneuver away from Arthur and his magic touch.

“Does it feel good?” Arthur asked, giving him a knowing look.

“Arthur this is wrong,” Merlin fretted. “I’m your servant, and I’ve got magic, and I’m a man, and…”

“Does it feel good?” Arthur repeated his question.

“Well…” Merlin didn’t know if he should tell Arthur the truth. What if the prince didn’t feel the same way? But Merlin decided to hell with it, that he’d just answer truthfully.

“It feels very good,” said Merlin, bracing for the rejection. It never came.

“Good. I’ve waited so long to be able to touch you,” Arthur breathed. 

“Arthur,” Merlin whimpered. “I-I want…” He took a deep breath but couldn’t quite articulate what it was he wanted.

“What is it, love?” Arthur asked, gently threading his fingers through Merlin’s dark hair. “What do you want? Whatever it is, I’ll get it for you.”

“I w-want you,” Merlin confessed. 

“Merlin,” Arthur groaned. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that.”

“How do we do this?” Merlin asked. “I’ve never done this before.” 

“I’m honored that I get to be your first,” said Arthur. “I’d say we should start by getting out of the bath.”

Merlin blushed. “Right.” The warlock magicked two towels over to them, and they dried off. Arthur led Merlin to the bed, and after they lay back on the covers, Arthur pulled Merlin on top of him. 

Their lips met, and Merlin couldn’t help but moan as he opened his mouth to let Arthur in. Their tongues danced and Merlin couldn’t help but eagerly respond. They continued to kiss and grind up against each other, giving in to their lustful desires. 

//Arthur can we do this?// Merlin sent the king a picture of Arthur on the bottom, with Merlin taking him.

//Hell yes!// Arthur enthused.

//Are you sure you’re ready for that?// Merlin worried.

//I’m sure// Arthur promised. //I’m not afraid of having you dominate me. You’re my equal, Merlin. Now prove it.//

Merlin magically prepared his king so that when he entered him, it wouldn’t hurt. Instead it would feel amazing, the joining of their bodies and souls. He positioned himself over Arthur, and searched for clues in the king’s eyes to see if he was welcome.

//I’m ready, Merlin.// Arthur’s eyes shone with love and acceptance. //I want this.//

Merlin lined himself up, ready to enter his bondmate. //Arthur?// 

//Now, Merlin// Arthur begged.

Merlin thrust home and sheathed himself deep inside his bondmate. They came together with grunts and cries, and mentally shared their affirmations of love. Afterwards, Merlin cleaned them up and they clung to each other as their rapid heartbeats began to slow.

//Merlin?// Arthur asked while they basked in the afterglow.

//Yes.//

//That was the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.// Arthur admitted.

Merlin smiled. //Me too. Adding thought-speech during sex makes it even more intimate. I love you, Arthur.// 

Arthur kissed Merlin on the forehead before answering. //I hope so, because you're stuck with me.// 


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: Arthur and Merlin baby-sit for Gwen and Lancelot's child. They find that it's a lot harder than it looks. Did I mention the baby has magic?

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine.

A/N: My cousin and his wife just had a baby, so that's on the brain. Someone asked for a story about Gwen's baby. I'm not doing a sequel to Merlin's Struggles, but here's a one shot for you!

.~.

Bonus Chapter 

Merthur: Adventures in Babysitting

.~.

It had been six months since little Thomas Arthur Pendragon was born. He looked just like Gwen, and people often complained that they couldn't see any of his father in him. His real father, of course, was Lancelot. When they all had thought Lancelot dead, Arthur had agreed to marry the already pregnant Gwen so she wouldn't be shunned by society. When Lancelot miraculously returned, they had already announced the baby as the next heir. So they stayed with the charade, that Arthur was the child's father. Thankfully, the people didn't figure out the truth.

Lancelot had been assigned as Gwen's personal protector, after one of the dark wizards threatened to have more of his kind to kill the person Arthur loved most. This was convenient for Lance and Gwen, as he got to spend plenty of time with his baby son.

Of course, Gwen was not the person Arthur loved most. At the moment, that person was walking in the gardens with Gwen, as they had been best friends for a long time.

"Merlin, I hate to ask, but would you be willing to do a favor for Lance and I?" Gwen asked.

"Sure," said Merlin with an easy smile.

"Don't agree to it until you know what it is," said Gwen, amused.

"You're my friend, Gwen. You've done so much for Arthur and I. Of course I'll help you with whatever you need."

Gwen crossed her fingers and hoped for the best. "I want you to babysit Thomas."

"Alright," Merlin grinned. "I'd been hoping you'd ask me that eventually."

"Thank you!" Gwen threw her arms around Merlin and hugged him tightly.

"Can't.. breathe…" Merlin sputtered.

"Sorry!" Gwen immediately released him. "I'm just so excited. Lance and I really need to take a breather. Raising Thomas is hard work, more so than we imagined. We just need some time to ourselves, just four hours tops."

Merlin nodded, but Gwen didn't notice. She kept prattling on.

"I'd ask the wet nurse to help, but she's got the day off and I didn't have the heart to ask anyone else, not the with the festival coming up. I could leave him with one of the other servants, but I really want you there, in case there are any magical accidents. He hasn't shown signs of that yet, but you never know. I know it's asking a lot but-"

"I told you I'll do it," Merlin reminded her. "It's not a hardship, honestly. I want to do it."

"Are you sure? I don't want to take advantage of your good nature."

"Gwen," said Merlin, rolling his eyes. "I'm babysitting your child - the end."

"Wonderful," said the queen, grinning from ear to ear.

"What are you and Lance going to do while you're gone?"

"We're going to go out to the forest, have dinner, and relax. But he's a handful - I don't think you should have to care for him all by yourself," Gwen fretted.

"Don't worry, I won't be alone," Merlin reassured her, smirking to himself. "I'll make Arthur do it with me."

"Are you sure he's up for it?" Gwen looked astounded.

"Why not? What could go wrong?" Merlin joked. "I'll go find him right now.:

.~.

It didn't take long to find Arthur, as he was working on paperwork in his and Merlin's chambers. Merlin made his demand and waited for Arthur to answer.

"You want me to WHAT?" Arthur yelled.

Merlin shook his head at the king. Perhaps he hadn't worded his demand very well. Oh well. Arthur didn't have a choice.

"It's just babysitting, Arthur. It's not the end of the world," Merlin pointed out.

"I can't be responsible for a baby," Arthur insisted. "I don't even like babies. Well, Thomas is the exception because I'm his pretend father, but…" Arthur shuddered. "It sounds like a horrible way to spend the day. He doesn't do anything interesting. He burps, he spits up, he poops, he cries…that's about it."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "I'm the one who will be responsible for him and I'll take care of the poop. I just want you to help."

"For how long?" Arthur asked. "Are they just stepping out for a bit?"

"Four hours," said Merlin, waiting for the outburst that was sure to come.

"FOUR HOURS?!" Arthur cried. "Are you out of your mind? No. No freaking way," Arthur said, crossing his arms and looking defiant. "I'm the king, and I won't have you ordering me around, Merlin, even if you are the love of my life."

"Not even if afterwards I…" Merlin whispered something in Arthur's ear, making Arthur's eyes go wide with anticipation.

"Babysitting sounds like a fantastic idea," Arthur enthused. "Let's go tell Gwen we'll help her out."

"I knew you'd see it my way," Merlin said, a smug look upon his face.

.~.

Thirty minutes later

Gwen and Lance had given the king and the court sorcerer all of their instructions, and said their goodbyes to baby Thomas. Almost the moment that the parents left the king's chambers, Thomas began to cry.

But Merlin wasn't worried. All he had to do was figure out what Thomas wanted, give it to him, and he would stop crying.

But it just wasn't that simple.

"Why won't he stop crying?" Arthur asked twenty minutes later.

"Beats me!" Merlin cried. "We've tried everything. We've tried giving him milk, he's not soiled, he's been burped, we tried holding and rocking him, we've tried playing with him with his toys, I even tried to sing him a lullaby, but nothing is working!"

"Maybe he hates your singing," Arthur slyly suggested.

"Hey now," Merlin glared at Arthur. "Watch it. I have a great singing voice."

"Maybe he's bored," Arthur suggested. "Why don't you show him the dragon? That always keeps me entertained."

"Okay, but you have to hold him while I do the spell."

Arthur made a face, but he took a strong hold of Thomas as Merlin passed him over.

Merlin concentrated on conjuring the golden dragon, and making it fly close to the baby. But Thomas only screamed harder.

"How could he not like the dragon?" Arthur moaned over the din of Thomas's shrill cry after he handed the baby back to Merlin. "I was sure that was going to work."

Merlin wished he could consult his mother, but she was far away in Ealdor. But then he thought about his mother, and how she had to take care of baby Merlin, who randomly would show his magical powers.

"Arthur, I think I've got it!" Merlin crowed. "It might have to do with his magic."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure exactly. But it's possible that he's trying to make his magic manifest."

Just then, Thomas made his 'poop' face, scrunching up his facial figures, but when they checked him, there was no excrement to be found.

"Well, I'm stumped," said Arthur.

"I think I understand," said Merlin. "He might be trying to use his magic, but he just can't manage it. It looks like he's trying really hard to do something, but he just can't do it. Maybe he's just frustrated."

"I know I am," Arthur muttered. "Babies are just difficult. I don't know why anyone would want one."

That was when Arthur was pulled by an unseen force up against the bed's headboard. Instinctively, Merlin tried to stop Arthur from hitting his head, but he only managed to slow Arthur down. The king's head connected with the wooden headboard with a small crack.

"Owwwwwwwwww," Arthur bellowed. "That hurt!"

"Thomas!" Merlin frowned sternly at the baby, then quickly created a magical shield around the baby, where nothing could get in or out. "That's not acceptable behavior."

The baby gurgled and laughed, clapping his hands together at the sight of the injured Arthur, who was clutching his head.

"Are you alright?" Merlin asked his love, knowing that the injury wasn't that serious.

"No, I am bloody not alright!" Arthur cried. "Gwen's baby just threw me into the headboard and my head is killing me! Fix it, Merlin."

"You're such a big baby."

"Am not," Arthur pouted.

"You didn't hit the headboard that badly. I made sure of that."

"Merlin, now," Arthur ordered.

"Show me where it hurts," Merlin instructed. Arthur did, and Merlin murmured a quick healing spell. Five seconds later, it was as if Arthur had never been injured at all.

"Thank you so much, Merlin, for healing my injury" said the sorcerer in a falsetto voice, when Arthur gave no such thanks.

"I'm not thanking you," Arthur growled. "It was partially your fault that I got hurt. You didn't slow me down in time."

"Thomas took me by surprise," said Merlin. "I did the best I could."

"Why would he ever do such a thing?"

"I think you shouldn't have insulted him," Merlin said with a straight face, biting back a laugh.

Arthur threw up his hands. "What the hell did I say?"

"That babies are difficult and that you didn't want one," Merlin reminded him.

"I didn't think that he could actually understand me," said Arthur. "Good lord. This is a disaster."

"No it's not. It's wonderful that Thomas's powers have finally manifested!" Merlin's heart swelled with pride. "I'll be able to teach him how to control his magic as soon as he can talk."

"Yeah, bloody wonderful," Arthur muttered. "Perhaps I shouldn't have made magic legal after all, if this is the result."

Merlin glared at Arthur.

"Just joking," Arthur said hastily. The last thing he wanted was to make Merlin mad, especially since he wanted Merlin to follow through with his promise. "Let's not tell Gwen about this."

"Why?"

"Why? Because it's embarrassing!" Arthur exclaimed. "I don't want her to know that the king of Camelot was bested by her baby."

"A magical baby," Merlin reminded him.

"He's still a baby! If I told Gwen, I'd never hear the end of it, from her, Lance, or the knights."

"She needs to know that Thomas's powers have appeared," said Merlin.

"Then tell her that, but don't go into the specifics."

"What if she asks?" Merlin was enjoying this.

"Merlin!" Arthur cried.

"Okay, okay," said Merlin. "I'm going to take down the shield around Thomas."

"Are you insane?" Arthur cried. "He hates me! He'll just throw me against the wall again."

"I won't let him," Merlin promised. The court sorcerer released the shield around the baby. Predictably, Thomas tried to take hold of Arthur, but Merlin easily stopped him. He put a firm magical hold on the baby, much like a mother cat holding her kitten by the scruff of his neck.

"Thomas, we don't use our magic to hurt people," Merlin said sternly. "Arthur is your 'father' - you need to be nice to him."

Thomas scrunched up his face with disgust.

"Arthur loves you very much," said Merlin. "Don't you, Arthur?"

"Uh, yes," said Arthur, rather reluctantly.

"Thomas, we only use our magic to help people," Merlin instructed. "We don't use it to take advantage of magically deficient people like Arthur."

"Hey!" Arthur began, but Merlin shushed him.

Thomas stuck his lower lip out in a pout.

"Look at that," said Merlin. "He's already imitating his 'father'."

"I do not pout," Arthur insisted.

Merlin raised his eyebrows. /I beg to differ./

/Shut up, Merlin/ was Arthur's response.

Thomas stopped pouting when Merlin brought over his toys, a little stuffed dragon and a gryphon. He played quietly with them for awhile, taking a break to suck on the bottle of milk that Gwen had left for him. Then, after Merlin had burped him, he fell asleep.

Arthur and Merlin slumped down on their bed, exhausted from taking care of the baby.

.~.

Gwen and Lance returned five hours after they left, but Merlin couldn't blame her for taking an extra hour, now that he'd experienced just what it was like taking care of Thomas.

"So, how was he?" Gwen asked.

Arthur and Merlin exchanged glances.

"Well, he showed the first sign of his magic," Merlin announced.

"That's wonderful!" Gwen exclaimed. "I'm only sad I wasn't around to see it."

"What did he do?" Lance asked.

"Oh, that doesn't really matter, now, does it?" Arthur said quickly. "The important thing is that we know that he's very strong magically."

"He flung Arthur against a wall," Merlin tattled.

"Merlin!" Arthur exploded. "You promised not to tell them!"

"I never promised anything," said Merlin. "But don't worry, Gwen. I had a talk with Thomas. He knows that it's not good to use his magic to hurt people."

"What good is telling that to a baby?" Lance enquired.

"Apparently he can understand us," said Merlin. "He only flung Arthur against the wall after he insulted him."

"Arthur!" Gwen and Lance both frowned at the king.

"Give me a break!" Arthur exclaimed. "I didn't know he could understand me!"

"We'll take him back now," said Gwen. Merlin was happy to give Thomas back to his mother. "Thank you for watching him," said Gwen. "I am sorry about the magical incident, Arthur."

"It's alright," said the king. "I know he can't help it."

"It will make for a great story when he's older," said Merlin. "It was really funny to watch."

"Merlin, I swear…" Arthur growled.

Gwen and Lance took that opportunity to slip away, leaving the king and his sorcerer to their argument.

But Arthur found that the whole babysitting fiasco to be worth it, when Merlin fulfilled his promise and made Arthur scream, not in pain this time, but in pleasure.

.~.

End Bonus Chapter


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Merlin does not belong to me.

A/N: My grandmother has been diagnosed with senile dementia and it's been really hard on my mom and aunts, so I guess that is where this is coming from. She still recognizes us, though. Hope this isn't too much of a downer. If anyone gets the Galavant thing, I hope you laugh!

.~.

Bonus Chapter 4: Future Worries

.~.

Merlin and Arthur had just returned from the lower town. Merlin had been called to see if he could heal one of the elderly men who had served Uther as a knight many years ago. His name was Sir Galavant, and he was 80 years old, which was practically ancient in Merlin's time. When he'd been in the service, Sir Galavant had a reputation of being merciful, even letting those with magic escape the kingdom instead of bringing them to Uther.

Arthur waited outside while Merlin went to examine the old man. He wanted to visit those inside, but he wanted Merlin to prepare the people first. Arthur had quickly found out that people's hero worship of him lessened somewhat if they knew ahead of time that he was coming to meet him. Arthur didn't believe that he deserved his subjects' blind adoration, so he would do most anything to prevent that.

Merlin was met by Galavant's son and daughter-in-law. They took him back to the bedroom where Galavant lay resting. Merlin scanned the man with his magic, his heart sinking as he realized what was ailing the old knight. It was soon clear to the warlock that there was nothing he could do. The man had an illness of the mind. Merlin was a skilled healer, but even he couldn't heal the inner workings of the mind.

"I'm sorry," Merlin softly told the man's son the bad news as they returned to the kitchen area. "He seems to have a form of dementia. I can't help him - my powers don't work that way. I wish I could."

"We appreciate you coming," said the son's wife, giving him a sad smile. "We know you did all you could."

"Sometimes he doesn't even remember who I am," said the man's son. "It's quite horrible when he forgets where he is. He becomes agitated and it takes awhile for me to convince him that I'm his son and that he needs to calm down."

"I have something for his anxiety," said Merlin, producing a small bottle containing a potion. If you can, give it to him when he becomes afraid or nervous."

"Thank you, Merlin," the son said in gratitude. "Well, we don't want to take up more of your time."

But Merlin wasn't about to leave. "I've heard that one of your father's dying wishes was to meet King Arthur," said Merlin.

"Yes," said the son. "He wanted to thank Arthur personally for making so many positive changes to this land. But I doubt that will happen now."

"Don't be so sure," Merlin said with a grin. "Actually, he's right outside."

The couple gasped in unison. "We can't receive the king!" The son protested. "Our humble home is nowhere near what he is used to."

"Arthur could care less about that," Merlin insisted. "I told him about your father's wish, and he wants to meet him. Can I bring him inside?"

Wordlessly, the couple nodded.

Merlin walked to the outside of the dwelling, motioned to Arthur, and came back inside.

"Good evening," Arthur said politely, following Merlin inside to meet Sir Galavant and his family. "It's nice to meet you."

The young couple were flabbergasted by the king's appearance. The son recovered first.

"Your majesty!" He exclaimed, bowing low. His wife did the same. "We weren't expecting your visit, or else we would've tidied up more."

"It's quite alright," said Arthur, trying to put the man at ease, motioning for them to stand back up. "In my younger days, I used to make quite a mess myself, and back when Merlin was my servant, he always had to clean it up."

"It's true," said Merlin, sneaking a glance at his king, who was looking insufferably smug. Merlin decided to bring him down a peg or two. "He was exceptionally messy. He always left me extra work just to annoy me. Being his servant was no picnic, that's for sure."

The young couple looked quite astonished that Merlin would speak towards their king in such an insubordinate manner.

"Just joking, Sire," Merlin added, for the couple's benefit.

"Very funny, Merlin," said Arthur. "So, where is Sir Galavant?" The king asked, trying to change the subject so that the couple wouldn't dwell on Merlin's familiarity with him. The idiot had forgotten that they weren't alone, where it didn't matter if he was respectful towards the king or not.

"Follow me." Galavant's son lead Arthur and Merlin into a small bedroom. "He may not recognize you, my king," the son warned as they approached the bed. The knight was lying in the bed, his eyes focusing and unfocusing on the ceiling.

"Father, you have a special guest. King Arthur has come to see you," the son announced.

The man's eyes lit up as he recognized Arthur by the red and gold Pendragon crest that he was wearing. "Ar-Arthur," the man stammered and reached out with his trembling hand. "King."

"It's good to meet you, Sir Galavant," said Arthur, kneeling down to be on the man's level as he shook the man's hand. "I wanted to thank you for all your years of service you gave to my father. Especially because of how you helped people accused of witchcraft, putting your own life on the line to help them. That was very brave."

"Thank- good - king," the man gasped out, struggling to find the words to express what he felt as the pointed at Arthur.

"I understand," Arthur said softly, and the old knight relaxed. "I try to be a good king. I wish for all my subjects to live in peace. I've made quite a few changes, but I like to think they are for the better."

Sir Galavant nodded his head enthusiastically and Arthur chuckled. Then the man's eyes began to close. It wasn't long before he was asleep. Galavant's son ushered them back to the kitchen.

"I don't know how I'll ever repay you," said the son, wringing his hands. "Never in all my years did I expect you to come."

"You're welcome," Arthur said easily. "And you don't need to repay me. I was happy to come."

"I'm glad that he recognized you," said the son. "Father doesn't usually remember strangers, but he knew exactly who you were. You must be very special to him."

"I don't know about that," said Arthur, mildly embarrassed. "But it was good to reward a man for all of his years of service to the kingdom." Arthur nodded at the son and wife, and then made his escape outside.

"I'll come back and visit," Merlin promised as he followed Arthur out the door. "If there's a change in his behavior, don't hesitate to let me know."

"We will," the husband and wife chorused, both thinking that Merlin had considerable influence over the king if he'd been able to persuade him into visiting their home.

.~.

Merlin and Arthur made their way back to the castle, taking their evening meal in the king's chambers. Merlin noticed that Arthur was rather subdued during dinner.

"What's eating you?" Merlin asked.

"Nothing," Arthur shot back. "I'm just tired, is all."

"Fine," Merlin said calmly, knowing from experience that it was just better to leave Arthur be for awhile. He went back to eating his chicken, wondering what was bothering the love of his life. He thought he hadn't done or said anything to offend Arthur, but one never could tell. He vowed to pull it out of Arthur by bedtime.

.~.

As it turned out, he didn't have to do anything of the sort. They were going through their nightly bedtime routine. While Merlin's back was turned, Arthur sat down on their bed, his shoulders shaking while he silently cried.

"Merlin?" Arthur sounded almost completely broken. The please pay attention to me was insinuated at the end.

"Yes?" Merlin whipped around to face Arthur. He hadn't heard that defeated tone of voice from Arthur in a long time. "What's wrong, love?" He asked, coming to sit next to Arthur. He gently began to rub circles over Arthur's bare skin.

Arthur sniffed in reply, his eyes slightly watering. "What if that happens to us?" /I'm scared, Merlin/ he thought.

"What are you talking about?" Merlin was beginning to worry. What had put Arthur in such a state?

"What if what happened to Sir Galavant happens to me when I'm his age?" Arthur asked. "You can't heal illnesses of the mind - I would have no way to recover. Sir Galavant doesn't always recognize any of his family members. What if, when I'm his age, I don't recognize you?" /I can't let that happen. I'll go insane/ Arthur thought.

"Arthur, I doubt that will happen," Merlin tried to reassure him. /It will be all right./

"Yes, but that sort of thing runs in families," Arthur insisted. "You didn't know this, but before he died, my father was beginning to forget things."

"I think I would've noticed that," said Merlin.

"We tried to keep it as secret as possible," said Arthur. "My father didn't want anyone to know besides me and a few of his trusted knights."

"You could've told me," said Merlin, a little hurt that Arthur had waited until now to share this piece of information.

"At that point in our lives, I hadn't confessed my love for you," Arthur reminded him. "Not to mention, you hadn't confessed about your magic to me. We didn't nearly have the level of trust then that we do now."

"That's right," Merlin remembered. "You still could've told me."

"Well, I'm telling you now," Arthur said sharply.

"There's no need to get cross," said Merlin, holding up his hands.

Arthur sighed. "If I ever get to that point, if I don't know who you are, I want you to kill me."

Merlin looked appalled. "I could never do that."

"Not even if I asked you?"

"No, Arthur," Merlin said sternly. "You don't need to worry about what would happen to you. I would take care of you. Besides, we have our telepathic link. I think as long as we still had that, you'd be able to recognize me, at least in your mind."

"Perhaps," said Arthur, but he was still worried. "I wouldn't want you to devote all of your time into caring for me. I wouldn't want to be a burden on you."

"I will be there for you, in sickness and in health," Merlin reminded him. "I know we didn't actually have a wedding, but we're as good as married, especially now that we're soul bonded. I take that very seriously." /I'll never leave you, Arthur./

"Yes, but you could be out doing so much good," said Arthur, warmed by Merlin's mental words of reassurance. "I can envision you as a great sorcerer in your golden years. It would be a waste of your talents if you were stuck taking care of me."

"Let me make that choice," Merlin said softly. "Arthur, you mean everything to me. If I want to spend my time taking care of you, I will."

"Thanks," Arthur said quietly.

"I would hope you'd do the same for me," Merlin said quietly.

"Of course I would!" Arthur exploded. "How could even think-"

"Just joking," said Merlin, cracking a smile.

Arthur managed to smile back.

"Arthur you can't dwell on this and forget to live," Merlin gently chided.

"I know." Arthur sighed. "It's just that the reality of what happens in old age really hit home with me today."

"I'm sure it's not easy caring for an elderly person," said Merlin. "But if one of us had to, I'm sure we could manage. We would have our friends and servants and my magic students to help us. We wouldn't be facing it alone." /I promise./

"That's true," Arthur considered, brightening a tad. /I feel a little better now./

"Try not to worry about it," Merlin insisted. "Right now we're both still young. We still have our whole lives together. We still have plenty of adventures to go on, you still need to unite the five kingdoms, we need to help raise Thomas… there's plenty we need to do before we reach old age."

"You're right," Arthur agreed.

"I'm right?" Merlin chuckled. "What's the occasion?"

"Nothing. Every once and awhile you say something that's sensible. I'm just giving credit where credit is due," said Arthur, smiling at Merlin.

"You've come a long way," said Merlin, fondly ruffling Arthur's hair.

"You had a lot to do with that," said Arthur.

"I know," Merlin said smugly.

They began to talk of happier times, remembering all that they'd been through to get to the point where they had confessed their love for one another. Then Merlin took advantage of the situation and began to kiss Arthur like there was no tomorrow. They had a rather intense encounter, as Arthur was desperate to lose himself in Merlin's body and mind. Merlin held Arthur afterwards as they drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, vowing to live each day with Arthur to the fullest.

.~.

End Bonus Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks for reading! Reviews are great :)


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Merlin doesn't belong to me. Neither does Arthur. Pity.

A/N: I got this idea from another fandom and wanted to try it with Merthur. Indulge me. I tried to make a plausible explanation as to why Merlin couldn't use his magic to free them. But it's basically a PWP, so who cares?

.~.

Bonus Chapter: The Ultimate Humiliation

.~.

Merlin couldn't believe that they'd ended up in this situation. King and Court Sorcerer were tied together in binding magical ropes, facing each other. There was very little room between them - it would've been uncomfortable if this had happened a few years ago before they admitted their feelings for each other. Now, their closeness was comforting, if a little unsettling because they were on display for all of Camelot to see.

It was the end of the day, and Arthur had come to the magic school to walk with Merlin back to the castle. On the way back, a crazy sorceress had captured them, using a spell that had zapped Merlin of his remaining magic. She'd then made them shuffle towards the square and forced them onto the platform that was (rarely) used for executions. A crowd had gathered, curious and worried about their king and court sorcerer's safety.

"Merlin, this is unacceptable. Why can't you free us?" Arthur hissed as the sorceress cackled with glee. She seemed too pleased with herself.

"She's using powerful dark magic," said Merlin, "and I exhausted most of my energy today at the magic school. As it stands, I don't know how to stop the curse without it rebounding on us. I could take the hit, of course, but I don't want to risk you."

"I think I can handle it," said Arthur, pouting as he glared at Merlin . "I am a knight, you know. I've trained for worse."

"I'm not letting her hurt you unless it's absolutely necessary." Merlin was firm on that, and Arthur knew from past experience that he wouldn't be able to change his sorcerer's mind.

"Miss, what is your grievance against us?" Arthur asked the sorceress. It must be something important for her to go to all this trouble. Maybe he could talk his way out of this one. It was rare, but it did happen.

"Your father killed my parents in the purge," the woman spat.

"Why does this always happen to me?!" Arthur moaned to Merlin. "I'm not my father." He'd had to pay for his father's mistakes too many times. It really pissed him off when he ran into someone that wanted to take revenge on Uther through him. "I allowed magic to be legal in Camelot. Really, you should be thanking me."

Merlin shook his head, wishing that Arthur wouldn't provoke their captor.

"Arthur Pendragon, when I'm through with you, you'll be humiliated beyond belief," the sorceress informed him.

"Are you going to challenge him to a swordfight, cheat by using magic, and make him lose to a girl?" Merlin asked the sorceress.

"Merlin," Arthur warned.

"No, I've got something much worse planned," she assured them.

That was when Arthur's most trusted knights and Gwen showed up.

"Arthur, are you alright? Are you hurt?" Gwen called to her husband. She was escorted by Sir Lancelot, who was her official protector. They, like Arthur and Merlin, were secret lovers.

"I'm fine," Arthur replied, embarrassed that he was stuck in this predicament.

"His pride's hurt," Merlin helpfully added.

"Merlin, I swear…" Arthur growled.

The knights moved to rescue them but Merlin called them off. He knew that they wouldn't be able to compete with the sorceress - she could destroy them easily. The knights reluctantly backed off, and joined the crowd.

Merlin wished that Morgana was there, but she was off on her honeymoon with Sir Leon. He didn't have his apprentice to help him. Which was too bad, because once they finally got out of this, Arthur would be furious with him. Arthur was already furious with him. It was kind of hot.

"I'm glad your wife has arrived," said the sorceress. "I wanted to wait for her arrival before we proceeded."

"Don't you dare hurt her," Arthur threatened, worried for his wife and good friend.

"Don't worry, she is to be just a spectator as long as you cooperate. It's time for the show to begin," the sorceress announced.

"Are you going to entertain us with your magic tricks?" Arthur asked.

"No," she laughed. "You are."

"That's going to be a little difficult seeing as I'm tied to my Court Sorcerer."

"It's all a part of my plan. You see, I'm going to strip you of your masculinity."

"Literally?" Arthur gulped.

"No. I'm going to make you give yourself to Merlin! In front of your wife!" The sorceress giggled.

"Excuse me?" Arthur couldn't believe his ears. Had she somehow found out about his relationship with Merlin? He and Merlin shared a tense look. They wouldn't be able to be together if this had happened.

"You heard me. It's the ultimate humiliation. I know that the great King Arthur would never submit to a man." The sorceress sounded extremely sure of herself.

"Shows how much you know," Merlin muttered under his breath.

Arthur kicked him.

"What was that?" The sorceress barked.

"Nothing," said Arthur, ready to kill Merlin for his comment, even if it were completely true. There were times where Arthur enjoyed submitting to Merlin, and the sorcerer enjoyed them very much. "Merlin was just voicing his displeasure at the thought in taking part in such an act."

"Well, that's just too bad. I'd suggest you start with a kiss," said the sorcerer.

"I won't," Arthur said firmly. Thinking he'd better do it properly, he added, "I'd rather die."

/Thanks a lot/ Merlin thought, but he was amused.

/You know I don't mean that./ Arthur reassured him.

"If you refuse, then I'll hurt your precious Guinevere," the sorceress threatened. "I know you'll do anything to prevent me from harming the person you love most in this world."

"Uh, yes," said Arthur. "Because that person is Gwen."

"It's totally Gwen," Merlin agreed.

Guinevere could barely keep a straight face, but somehow she managed. If only the sorceress knew what Arthur and Merlin got up to every night in the king's bed...

"You'd better get started," the sorceress threatened. "Or I'll-"

"Okay, okay!" Arthur cut her off. "I just… Merlin's my best friend. I can't imagine kissing him."

"Gross," Merlin added, just for good measure.

"I'm warning you," said the sorceress. "This shall be the ultimate form of torture." She raised her hand towards Gwen, who looked like she was about to laugh and cry at the same time.

"Don't!" Arthur gave in. He locked eyes with Merlin. Slowly, they leaned forward and brought their lips closer until they barely grazed each other.

/Touch me. Good. Now, slowly pull away./ Merlin instructed.

Arthur did. "I can't do this," Arthur stated. "It's just so disgusting, kissing a man, kissing Merlin of all people." He and Merlin wiped their mouths with their hands. Now, they were intimately acquainted with each other's lips, having been secret lovers for years. It was really hard for them to pretend to hate it. Now that Arthur had just gotten a taste of Merlin's lips, he wanted so much to take his sorcerer back to their bedroom and have his way with him. But not like this. The sorceress was right - this was torture, just not in the way she believed it was.

"I see my plan to humiliate you is working!" The sorceress grinned as Arthur and Merlin continued to act as if kissing each other was the most vile thing they'd ever done. "Do it again, and this time you have to look like you mean it!"

Arthur and Merlin looked at each other, shuddered in fake disgust, and leaned closer. They kissed, and this time they allowed themselves to get in to it.

/Go ahead./ Merlin consented. /Make it look good./ Merlin let Arthur take the lead, thinking it would look more authentic. The king captured Merlin's lips, wishing he could curl his hand around the back of Merlin's head and just lose himself in the kiss. But that would not do in their current predicament. He let this go on for about ten seconds before (reluctantly) pulling away.

"Alright, we did as you asked," Arthur said, blushing as he realized that half of Camelot had witnessed that display of affection. Merlin, on the other hand, looked much worse. His face was tomato red. He never wanted his affection for Arthur to be a public spectacle. What they had was not to be shared - it was literally a private affair. He hated how the sorceress was sullying what was theirs. How he wished he could safely use his magic to prevent this.

"Let us go," Arthur ordered.

"I don't think so. You haven't truly submitted," said the sorceress. "Merlin, grab him through his pants."

Merlin's eyes grew wide, horrified that she'd asked that of them. He didn't want to do that to Arthur, not for someone else's amusement.

"I beg you, please don't force us to do this in front of my subjects," Arthur pleaded. "I'll do whatever you want - willingly - if you let us go back to my chambers in the castle."

"Alright," the sorceress relented, hoping that Arthur would give her a better show if they were in a less public environment. "But your wife has to come. I'm going to make her watch."

"That's cruel," said Arthur, watching as Gwen blushed. "Is that absolutely necessary?" He didn't want to do anything with Merlin in front of his wife and have to put her in an awkward position. But it looked like he didn't have much of a choice. At least he knew she had no real feelings for him. That made it a little easier.

"Yes. Let's go," the sorceress sang.

She magicked the pair back to the castle, with Guinevere dutifully following them. Arthur and Merlin relaxed a little bit when they reached the king's chambers. At least they wouldn't have to be in public while the sorceress had her 'revenge'.

"Now, Merlin, as I was saying, grab Arthur through his pants." The sorceress released their arms from the magical bindings but nothing else.

Merlin gulped. He really wanted to use his magic to free them, but the thought of Arthur on his back in pain stopped him, for that was what would happen if he tried to magically free them. So he complied. He and Arthur sat on their bed and tried to get comfortable. The sorcerer focused on his king and tried to forget that they had an audience. Merlin hesitantly rubbed Arthur's crotch with with his shaking hands, then quickly pulled away.

"There, I did it. Now, that's enough," Merlin said, hoping that the sorceress would relent. No dice.

"Did I say you could stop?" The sorceress glared at him. Merlin bit back a sigh. He reluctantly returned his hands to Arthur's crotch and palmed him through his pants. Predictably, Arthur grew visibly hard. His body was so used to responding to Merlin's touch that he couldn't suppress his desire for the one he loved.

"Aha!" The sorceress crowed as Arthur's face burned, not in humiliation, but at the injustice of sharing a private moment with Merlin with others. "What do you think, Queen Guinevere? Your husband is quite responsive to Merlin. He's cheating right in front of you."

"I think that they are being put in an extremely unfair situation," said Gwen, mortified that she had to watch her friends. "And it's not cheating if you're forcing Arthur to do this. You should be ashamed of yourself."

But the sorceress was not ashamed in the least. "Now, Merlin, take him out of his pants."

"I would rather not," Merlin protested. Much to his annoyance, he was feeling himself grow hard as well.

"Do it or I'll kill you all!" It was clear to all present that the sorceress had lost her mind.

"Fine." Merlin gave in and carefully took Arthur out of the confines of his trousers. Arthur was rock hard, but the king managed to meet Merlin's gaze, calmly accepting the situation.

That was when Gwen looked away, not wanting to watch this mockery, but the sorceress once again threatened that she'd harm her if she didn't watch. So Gwen did, and tried hard not to enjoy this intimate look into Arthur and Merlin's sexual relationship.

"Stroke him," the sorceress instructed.

/Arthur, I'm really sorry about this./ Merlin told him as he began to gently rub Arthur's length.

/Next time, will you not use up your magic?/ Arthur asked. /That was an idiotic thing to do./

/I promise./ said Merlin. /It was an accident./

/I know. i forgive you./

This felt so good to Arthur. His Merlin was touching him and he couldn't help but respond. It wasn't something that he could turn off, even though right now he wanted to.

"I see that the great Arthur Pendragon is ruled by his impulses," said the sorceress as she watched the king involuntarily buck up into Merlin's hands. "He can't even stop himself from being aroused by his male court sorcerer!" The sorcerer seemed quite happy about it all. "And look at Merlin. He's not immune to the proceedings, either. Observe them, Guinevere."

Gwen wanted to look anywhere else, but the sorceress's words made her watch. She herself was getting a little aroused. It was a beautiful sight watching Arthur and Merlin. She tried to think of Lance, but that didn't help at all. It only made her feel weirder.

"It's just a response to stimulus," Arthur said, trying to justify his reaction. "It would happen to anyone. "

"I don't believe that, and neither do you," said the sorceress, still enjoying calling the shots. "Now, keep stroking him and bite his neck. Mark him as yours," came the next order. "Then kiss him again."

Merlin didn't bother refusing this time. He continued to stroke his Arthur, and leaned up to attend to Arthur's neck. He laved kisses there, alternating them with little nips. An unconscious whimper came from Arthur, as he was loving this sweet torture. Then Merlin nipped at him hard, making the king cry out in pleasure.

"Merlin," Arthur gasped, not able to control his reaction. Merlin promised himself that he'd tease Arthur for his wanton behavior after they'd gotten out of this situation. It would be too good an opportunity to pass up. The best part would be that Arthur would want to punish him for his remark. That made Merlin tingle with anticipation.

Then the young warlock brought his lip back to Arthur's. Their tongue barely touched, making the king lightheaded. Arthur whimpered again as Merlin gently sucked on his tongue. Merlin pulled his hand and lips away, his job done.

"Well, well," said the sorceress. "It almost seems as if you've practiced this before."

Arthur and Merlin said nothing to deny or confirm this accusation.

"You can't break me," Arthur goaded her, wanting to get her mind off the possibility that he might have a thing for Merlin. "My friendship with Merlin and my relationship with Guinevere will endure, even after all these attempts to humiliate me.".

"Arthur, you shouldn't have said that," Merlin groaned. "You've only made things worse."

"Now, Merlin, I want you to suck him." The sorceress leered at them and Merlin stiffened. That was going too far. Arthur more than agreed.

"Merlin, for the love of God, use your magic," Arthur grated out. Merlin was about to do just that when he saw the sorceress blasted ten feet into the air. She crashed to the floor in a heap, knocked out cold. They turned around to find that their rescuer was none other than...

"Morgana!" Arthur gasped.

"Thank goodness," said Gwen, relieved. She wanted to find Lance right away so she could take care of her arousal. She had no idea that Arthur and Merlin being together would affect her like that. How embarrassing!

"We came back early," Morgana explained as a stunned Leon took in the scene. Arthur quickly put his pants back on, embarrassed to be caught by one of his knights in such a compromising position. "You're lucky that we did."

"Thank you, Morgana," said Merlin. "It was my fault, because I-"

Morgana held up her hand to stop him. "Do I want to know?"

"Probably not," said the warlock.

"I must ask that none of us will ever speak of this ever again," Arthur ordered, relieved to be calling the shots again. "Promise me."

All of them were happy to promise to never bring it up again.

.~.

With Morgana's help, the sorceress was apprehended, but before they could sentence her, she disappeared in a whirlwind. Merlin vowed that if she ever returned to Camelot, this time he'd be ready for her.

.~.

Lance, as it turned out, was more than happy to take care of Gwen. She didn't tell him why she had a sudden hankering for 'fun activities' but he guessed. Gwen was rather embarrassed and hoped that her lover wasn't mad, but she need not have worried. Lance was just amused by the whole thing, and happy he could reap the benefits.

.~.

That night, Merlin teased Arthur about his strong reaction to Merlin's ministrations. The king returned the favor, and this time it was Merlin screamed in pleasure. Arthur held Merlin as they came down from their high. His sorcerer was unusually quiet.

"Merlin, are you okay?" Arthur asked. "Don't I get at least a bit of praise for all that?"

"Sorry, yeah that was great," said Merlin, sounding distracted.

"Great? That's it?" Arthur pouted. "You can do better than that, Merlin."

"Give me a break!" Merlin pulled away and glared at Arthur. "I'm still rattled by the events of today. I should've been able to protect you better."

"We've been through this, Merlin. I forgave you," Arthur reminded him. "Let's put it behind us."

"I can't. It was a mortifying experience," said Merlin. "Didn't you think so?"

"A bit. Do you think you could erase the memories of all those people who watched us kiss?" Arthur asked.

"No, Arthur, I can't," Merlin said honestly. "There are too many people who saw us for me to-"

"Relax. I was joking," the king informed him. "I'd never ask you to do that."

"Oh."

"It wasn't that bad. Our citizens will have forgotten it in a few days, when the next piece of gossip has come along," Arthur predicted.

"But what if someone figures out that it wasn't the first time we've done that?" Merlin fretted.

"Is that what you're worried about?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah," said Merlin.

"I don't think anyone will," said Arthur, kissing Merlin's forehead as he tried to reassure him. "I think they'll just think we had to do all we could to make the kiss seem believable."

"I just don't want to lose you, Arthur," Merlin admitted.

"You won't," the king promised. "No one will figure it out. Remember, everyone believed us when we said that Gwen was the love of my life."

"That's true," Merlin considered. "Gwen did a great job acting like it was true."

"She did."

"I just hate that the sorceress escaped," Merlin worried. "What if she tells someone what we did, and how much you enjoyed it?"

"She's crazy, Merlin. Even if she did, no one will believe her," said Arthur.

"I hope you're right."

"I'm the king. I'm always right."

Merlin groaned - he'd walked right into that one. He eventually fell asleep in his king's arms, vowing to cherish each day that he had as Arthur's advisor, confidante, and lover.

.~.

End Bonus Chapter 6

A/N: I couldn't make the boys go any further than that, sorry. I hope it was funny and hot and adorable… that was my intention. Poor Gwen, I really put her through the wringer too. LOL! It's not like we all wouldn't enjoy her situation - let's be honest. ;)


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine.

A/N: This is part of the same universe, only a six year jump when Gwen and Lance's child Thomas is six. Of course he thinks Arthur's his dad because that's the story everyone's been told, that Thomas is the heir to the throne, as Gwen and Arthur are king and queen. Merlin and Arthur have been together the whole time, secretly of course.

.~.

Bonus Chapter 7: Remnants of the Past

.~.

Merlin and Arthur had just sat down to dinner in the king's chamber when there was a hesitant knock at the door.

"Come in," Arthur called after Merlin nodded at him.

"Father?" Thomas hesitantly opened the door and approached them.

"Thomas!" Arthur gave his six year old son a smile that the boy didn't return. "Where's your nurse? Have you run off again?" He teased.

Then the boy's lower lip began to tremble. "What's wrong?" Arthur asked, immediately concerned about his son's emotional state. He held out his arms to Thomas. "C'mere."

Thomas's eyes filled with tears as he was swung up onto his father's lap. "Is it true that Grandfather Uther killed Mum's father?" He blurted out. "The Thomas that I was named for?"

Arthur and Merlin exchanged a look of horror. How could Thomas have found out about that? It was true, that Uther had ordered Gwen's father, Thomas, to be killed. The poor man had been executed on false suspicions of sorcery. But that had been many years ago, during Merlin's first year serving Arthur. The two men couldn't believe that Thomas was asking such a question. Arthur cleared his throat as he stalled for time, figuring out what to say.

"Where did you hear that?" Arthur asked him, trying his best to stay calm as he glanced over at Merlin. His court sorcerer had insisted he'd moved past that incident, but Arthur knew that Merlin still carried some guilt over having caused Gwen's father's arrest. He hated that this subject had been brought up, not wanting to cause Merlin to feel any more pain. Goodness knows, Merlin had endured enough hiding his magic from everyone for all those years. But the subject had surfaced, and Arthur was going to deal with it.

"I heard it from the maids," Thomas admitted. "I overheard them talking in the kitchen."

Arthur scowled, annoyed that his son had seemed to pick up what had been one of his habits when he'd been a child. Gaius had told him when he was older that, as a child, Arthur was always trying to eavesdrop on the servants, eager for a bit of news - especially if it pertained to his deceased mother. "You shouldn't listen to the castle gossip."

"You didn't answer my question." Thomas was stubborn. "Is it true?"

"Merlin, what do you think?" Arthur turned to his sorcerer, seeking his counsel as always.

"Please tell me, Uncle Merlin," Thomas begged.

"I think he's old enough to know," said Merlin. "I think he can handle it, Arthur."

"Yes, but can you handle it?" Arthur had to ask.

"Yes," said Merlin, touched that Arthur was concerned about him. "I think it's good to tell him a version of the truth. Hiding secrets from others never seemed to work well for me." He gave Arthur a wry smile, signaling that he was prepared to discuss this.

"Alright," Arthur sighed. Then he turned to his son. "Yes, Thomas, it's true. Grandfather Uther killed your Grandfather Thomas."

Thomas sniffled a bit, but he'd been expecting this answer. He knew the maids were almost never wrong. "But why?"

"There used to be a law in Camelot that said if you were caught using magic by anyone loyal to the king, you would be executed," Arthur said grimly.

"Really?" Thomas's dark eyes grew large. "They would kill you? That's really mean."

"It was mean," said Arthur, remembering the numbers of people that had died by his father's hand. Innocent people, who didn't have magic, as well as those who did. At a young age, he had been taught to fear magic by his father. Thankfully, Merlin had been able to change his mind concerning that issue.

"Why did Grandfather Uther think that Mum's father did magic?" Thomas enquired.

"There was a terrible sickness that spread throughout the land at that time," Merlin recalled. "There was no cure, even though our physician Gaius tried his best to find one. However, I thought I'd figured out how to make a magical poultice that would make the sick person well again. Your grandfather Thomas was about to die of the disease. Desperate to save him, I placed the poultice under Thomas's pillow. The next day, he was healed."

"What's so bad about that?" The boy wondered.

"Nothing at first," said Merlin. "But when no one else besides him recovered from their sickness, King Uther grew suspicious. He thought that your grandfather might be using magic to make himself get better. Your grandfather denied it, of course. He didn't know about the poultice - I had done that without telling him. Then Uther's men searched his house and found the poultice in the bed. They arrested him on the spot and threw him in the dungeons."

"That's horrible," Thomas said with a pout. This behavior reminded Merlin so much of Arthur, especially in his younger days. Even though he wasn't Arthur's biological child, Thomas had spent a lot of time around the king and had picked up some of his behaviors.

"It was," said Merlin, lost in the memory of that terrible day. "A few days later, Thomas was executed. I felt so guilty. I felt that by using magic, I'd condemned Thomas to death, even though I only did it to save his life."

"Why didn't you save him with your magic?" Thomas asked, accusing. "Why didn't you set him free or stop the execution? You're the court sorcerer. That's your job."

Merlin tried keep up his indifferent expression, but his calm facade began to slip. "Because I-"

"It wasn't Merlin's fault," Arthur interrupted, frowning at his son. "He couldn't use magic because-"

"Arthur, I can answer for myself," Merlin cut in, sounding slightly annoyed.

"Yes, of course," said the king, properly chastised. "Sorry, Merlin."

"It's alright," said Merlin. He gave Arthur a reassuring smile, which the king sheepishly returned.

Thomas stared at them, wide-eyed. He'd never seen anyone correct his father other than his mother, and that had been on rare occasions. His Uncle Merlin must be very good friends with his father to get away with that.

"I wasn't court sorcerer then. I had to keep the fact that I had magic a secret. I didn't even tell your father about it until years after that event. I couldn't use magic to save Thomas because then Uther would've known about my powers," Merlin explained. "If that had happened, I would've been arrested. I would've had to break out of the dungeons and leave Camelot, and then I wouldn't have been around to protect your father from all the mean people who wanted to hurt him."

"Oh," Thomas said quietly.

"Actually, your Uncle Merlin did try to save your grandfather," Arthur recalled. "This idiot marched right into the throne room and declared to my father that he was the sorcerer, that Thomas was innocent, and that he deserved to die in Thomas's place."

"Why didn't the king put you in jail too, Uncle Merlin?" Thomas asked.

"I convinced him not to," said Arthur. "I told my father that Merlin was lying." Arthur remembered that he'd claimed that Merlin had been in love with Gwen, and he played it off as a joke. "I had to pick which person I wanted to save. I felt awful about what was going to happen to Thomas, but I couldn't let my father execute my best friend." Arthur and Merlin exchanged a knowing look that spoke volumes of the deep friendship and love that they had shared over the years. "You scared me so much that day, Merlin." The king glared at his court sorcerer. "I was afraid of what would happen if I couldn't convince my father that you were innocent. It could've been out of my control. Luckily, Father decided to listen to me that day."

"Thank you for saving me," Merlin said quietly. "I don't think I've ever said that to you, at least about that day."

"You're welcome," Arthur replied. "I didn't want to live in a world without you in it."

"But Grandfather Uther was right. Uncle Merlin did use magic," Thomas pointed out, bringing Arthur and Merlin's attention back to the himself. He watched as his father and Uncle Merlin stared at each other again. They did that a lot. They stared at each other more than his father and mother stared at each other. Thomas felt that this was significant somehow, but he didn't know why.

"Yes, but I didn't know that at the time," said Arthur. "Merlin hadn't told me he had magic yet. Which he should have. He should've trusted me."

"I was scared," Merlin admitted. "I didn't want to lose your friendship."

"I know," Arthur said simply.

"If you had known about his magic, Father, would you still have helped him?" Thomas asked.

"Yes," Arthur instantly answered. Merlin beamed at this. "I would have been surprised, but I would have done anything to protect Merlin, even if I found out that he had magic and that he broke the law. I hope that someday, Thomas, you'll find a friend that you'd do anything for, and that they'd do the same for you."

"I have lots of friends," Thomas informed them. "Some of them have magic. Some of them don't. They're all really fun to play with."

Arthur hugged his son, happy that he and Gwen had managed to raise Thomas without any of the old prejudices that had been so prevalent during Arthur's childhood. "Do you understand what happened now?"

"Sort of. Why did Grandfather Uther want to kill people who had magic?"

"I'll tell you when you're older," said Arthur. He didn't want to get into the details concerning his mother's death and the Purge. He believed that was too frightening for a six year old to know about. Although, if the boy continued to eavesdrop, he'd probably hear about it sooner than Arthur would like.

"But Father-" Thomas whined.

"Thomas, that's enough for now," Arthur said firmly. "You're lucky that I told you anything at all."

"Ok," said Thomas, resigned. Then he asked a question that cut Arthur to his core. "Do you think if Grandfather Uther knew me, he would have wanted to kill me because I have magic?"

Arthur swallowed hard. Thomas sounded so innocent! The king tried to speak but he couldn't get the words out. He contemplated that situation. If Uther had lived longer and had remained in power, how would he and Gwen have been able to conceal Thomas's powers without him being discovered? Then he remembered that he wouldn't have married Gwen at all unless Uther had died and he needed an heir. But still… thinking about what Uther would've done if he'd known about Thomas's powers - it was too terrible to contemplate.

Merlin took over when he saw Arthur's 'panic face' surface. "I think he would have made an exception for you, Thomas. I know he would've loved you very much if he'd gotten to meet you."

"Maybe if he had met me, he would've seen that not all people with magic were bad," the boy pointed out.

"Well, the important thing is that your father is king now, and he is completely supportive of anyone who wants to learn how to use magic for good," said Merlin. "You get to grow up in a Camelot who accepts all kinds of people, Thomas. Arthur changed the law against magic almost as soon as he became the king, hoping to provide a safe environment for everyone so that children like you wouldn't have to grow up in fear of being discovered."

"Thank you, Father!" Thomas grinned at Arthur.

"You're welcome. It was the right thing to do. But I didn't do it by myself," Arthur insisted. "Merlin, your mum, and Sir Lancelot helped."

"Sir Lancelot is really nice to me," Thomas informed them. "He doesn't have any children of his own so I'm glad he gets to play with me while he's protecting Mum. I like him a lot."

"Sir Lancelot is a very nice person," Arthur said diplomatically as he once again exchanged a look with Merlin. "He's a great friend and knight. I trust him with my life, and with your mother's. I'm glad that you like him." Arthur was pleased that they'd come up with a reason to give Lance time to spend with his biological son without the citizens of Camelot getting suspicious, and that they were getting on so well.

Thomas looked at his father, then Merlin, then back to his father. Sometimes, Thomas thought that his father and Uncle Merlin had a secret language. They were always looking at each other like they knew what each other was thinking. Thomas wished that when he got older he could find a friend that he could do that with.

That was when Thomas's nurse burst into the room, frantically calling for the boy. She was horrified to find him with the king, who had given the staff strict instructions that he didn't want his dinner time with Merlin to be interrupted. The nurse apologized profusely, worried that Arthur would be annoyed. Luckily for her, Arthur laughed it off, and told her what they'd just discussed.

"Time to go with Nurse now, Thomas," said Arthur. "I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

"Goodnight, Father! Goodnight, Uncle Merlin!" Thomas called as his nurse whisked him away.

"I think you handled that rather well," said Arthur, coming up to stand behind Merlin. He wrapped his arms around his sorcerer's waist and held him close.

"It went as well as could be expected." Their dinner forgotten, Merlin maneuvered them over to the bed, where Arthur could hold him properly. "I don't like to think about what happened to Gwen's father, but it is was it is. It was a different time, Arthur. We explained it to Thomas as best as we could. The rest we'll tell him as he gets older."

"I try to forget that such a time existed, and then something happens that reminds me of it," said Arthur. "Growing up, I remember being intimidated by my father, and that was on a good day. I can't imagine what it must have felt like for people who had magic, who were living in fear that their secret would one day be discovered. That my father would make them pay the ultimate price. If I think about that time, how it must have been for you-" Arthur buried his nose in Merlin's shirt, shaking as the sobs shook his body. "That I might have lost you before I even knew what we meant to each other."

"Arthur, shhh, it's alright," Merlin soothed, re-positioning them so that he could hold his king. That Arthur let him without putting up a fight was extremely telling as to the king's emotional state. Merlin tried not to worry, concentrating on reassuring his partner in all things. "You fixed it. You repealed the law, and set in motion the events that have led to the peace we have today. My kind are celebrated now - for the most part. It's true that we're still rebuilding, still trying to heal the wounds of Uther's reign, but we're making considerable progress. The older knights are coming around, thanks to Galahad and the others who have joined up that have magic. I couldn't ask for a better world in which to live. I'm free to be who I am, and free to encourage others to embrace their powers - their gifts. You did that, Arthur. Never forget it."

Arthur seemed not to hear him, lost in his dark thoughts. "I should've done something about it when I was prince." Arthur shook in Merlin's arms. "I knew, deep down, whenever my father executed an innocent person who had magic, it was wrong. But I did nothing to stop him. You know, he listened to me, sometimes. I should've tried to change his mind."

"Arthur, you can't think like that." Merlin tried to reason with him. "Don't torture yourself over something that can't be changed. More than likely, he wouldn't have listened to you."

"I should've tried, Merlin," Arthur insisted. "I should've tried. I should've tried to save some of those people. Instead, I had my head up my own ass about winning tournaments, impressing the ladies, and trying to please my father. I was too immature to notice what was really happening in my kingdom. All those needless deaths." Arthur shook his head. "They're on my conscience, now. How can you love me when I-"

"Arthur, stop. Just stop," Merlin said sternly. "Look at me, love." Merlin gently turned Arthur's face toward him so they could look at each other. "If anyone should be feeling guilty, it should be me. I used my magic to meddle in people's lives when I shouldn't have - sometimes with terrible consequences. But those consequences were mine, and mine alone. You were not responsible for your father's reign of terror."

"But-"

"It wasn't your fault, Arthur!" Merlin scowled at him, exasperated. He absolutely hated it when Arthur would indulge in this defeated sort of thinking. It was difficult to reach his king during such a time. Arthur knew Merlin despised it when he couldn't quickly snap Arthur out of his dark moods.

Arthur must have sensed Merlin's thoughts, because he decided that it was time that he let this go. "Listen to us, arguing over who should take the blame for something my father did." Arthur tried to lighten the tense mood that he'd created. "Perhaps we should let the past stay in the past."

"I couldn't have said it better myself," said Merlin, relieved that Arthur seemed to be coming out of it. "Instead, let's focus on our future together. I'd say that right now it looks bright, especially with Thomas in it."

"Or we could focus on the present," Arthur suggested, bringing his lips down to touch Merlin's.

"Or we could do that." Merlin smiled at his king as they prepared to reaffirm their love for one another. "I always knew you'd grow into the man that I believed you could be. You were worth waiting for."

"I was, wasn't I?" Arthur considered, trying to act as if he hadn't just gone to pieces.

Merlin let him keep his dignity, and never brought up the subject again.

.~.

End Bonus Chapter

A/N: In between writing my original story, I like to revisit Merlin and Arthur's world.


	6. Chapter 6

Bonus Chapter 8 - Merlin's Secret Memory

A/N: These bonus chapters aren't in any particular order. The last one was six years later after the end of Merlin's Struggles, this one is one year later. Just go with it. Thanks!

I like to give credit where credit is due. I have shamelessly borrowed this idea from an episode of Star Trek: The Original Series. I thought it was a beautiful heart-wrenching concept, so I had to use it for Merthur. Enjoy!

.~.

It was the one year anniversary of the day that Arthur and Merlin had confessed their love for each other in the forest outside of Camelot. That day, they went back to that very place in the forest under the guise of a 'hunting trip'. Arthur had surprised Merlin with their destination, as the warlock hadn't any idea where they were going. When Merlin realized the meaning behind their location, he pulled Arthur in for a long kiss. Arthur carried a smug look on his face for the rest of the day, but Merlin didn't seem to mind. He appreciated Arthur's thoughtfulness. To be honest, he'd thought that Arthur wouldn't remember why this day was so significant. It was nice when Arthur proved him wrong.

The king and his court sorcerer unpacked all of their supplies, including their bedrolls which they laid out side by side. As soon as they finished setting up camp, Arthur and Merlin fell into each other's arms, not able to resist the invisible pull between them. It was rare that they had a full day together, and they meant to make it count.

After they christened 'their spot', Merlin instinctively went to the supplies to set out their dinner. Arthur stopped him, stating that he wanted to do it. It was a simple act, something that took no more than a few minutes to arrange the food on their plates and pour wine in their silver goblets. But it warmed Merlin to the core that Arthur would want to serve him. It reminded him of how much their relationship had changed over the past year.

Merlin's servant duties were all but gone, save for drawing Arthur's baths and waking him in the mornings. As Court Sorcerer with jurisdiction over all Camelot's magical subjects, he was practically as powerful as Arthur. Before Merlin had revealed his secrets, Arthur would hardly ever consider Merlin's opinions. Now, he was Arthur's most trusted advisor. With Queen Guinevere secretly promised to Lancelot, Merlin was Arthur's consort in all but name. For Merlin, who had never wanted any kind of power, it was very humbling. He made sure that he wasn't abusing that power, that he only used his magic to help others and not for personal gain. It was wonderful not having to hide his magic. He wished he didn't have to hide his true feelings for Arthur, but that couldn't be helped.

They ate slowly, enjoying their meal and each other's company as they discussed matters of state. That night, they made love under the stars before succumbing to sleep, with Arthur's arm possessively slung over Merlin's lithe form. The king slept peacefully, but Merlin did not. His sleep was disturbed by a nightmare, a glimmer into a past memory that he'd shared with Arthur. Fully immersed in the frightful dream world, he cried out.

"Arthur, don't!" Merlin panted, his words jolting the king from his heavy slumber. "Please, don't make me do this!"

"Merlin!" Arthur firmly shook his warlock awake. "Merlin. Wake up!"

Merlin's eyes flew open and connected with Arthur's. A look of terror was fixed upon the warlock's face. Immediately, Arthur tried to comfort him.

"Merlin, shh," Arthur soothed, running his fingers up and down Merlin's back as he rested his head against his warlock's. "You're alright. You're here with me. It was just a bad dream."

"It wasn't just a dream. It was real!" Merlin insisted.

"Yes, dreams can seem real, but-"

Merlin cut him off. "No. This was real. What I was dreaming, it was a memory - of us. I'd been meaning to tell you about it, but I haven't had the courage to."

Arthur frowned. "More secrets, Merlin?"

"Well, yes but this one you asked me to never bring up. I should've told you, I know - I just couldn't." Merlin looked dejected.

"Why? Why couldn't you tell me?" Arthur asked, feeling let down. Merlin had promised that there would be no more secrets between them, and now he pulled this.

"Because of the way I used my magic against you."

"Alright, Merlin," Arthur sighed, not understanding this at all. "Start from the beginning."

Merlin's lower lip trembled. "There was one time we were in the forest, before we confessed our love and before you learned of my magic."

"And?" Arthur pressed.

"We were walking down the path and suddenly we fell into a huge hole in the ground." Merlin sounded calmer now. "We were stuck there for a night until your knights found us the next morning."

"I don't think so," said Arthur. "I think I'd remember being stuck in close quarters with you," he teased.

"The reason you don't remember is because I wiped the event from your memory," Merlin blurted out. There. He'd said it. Now the ball was in Arthur's court.

"What?" Arthur sat up and edged away from Merlin. "You tampered with my memory? That's the one thing you promised you'd never do!"

"I know! But I only did it because you asked me to," Merlin sniffed, tears prickling at the side of his eyes.

"Tell me what happened," Arthur demanded. "I want to know every little detail."

Merlin squirmed. "But…"

"Now." Merlin knew better than to argue when his beloved used his "King Arthur" voice. Merlin supposed it could be worse. Arthur wasn't assuring Merlin that everything would be alright between them, but he wasn't running away either. Merlin decided it was best that he told Arthur everything about that fateful day. At least, it would be good to finally have it off his chest. If Arthur couldn't accept what happened, well… Merlin didn't want to think about that.

Merlin began to recount the tale. "It all started when we fell into a large animal trap…"

.~.

Thirteen months earlier

"Ow!" Arthur cried as he hit the bottom of the hole. His idiot manservant had led them directly into a trap. He winced, his arm smarting from colliding with the ground.

"Ohhhh," Merlin groaned, clutching his chest. He'd just had the wind knocked out of him. "What happened?"

"Someone led us directly into a hole. A hole, Merlin," Arthur yelled. "We're stuck here in a bloody hole in the ground. This is all your fault."

"How is this my fault?" Merlin cried, gesturing wildly with his hands. He took care not to hit the prince, who was mere feet from him. They were in rather close proximity, which was fine with him. He felt Arthur's breath on his cheeks and inhaled Arthur's unique scent. He tried hard not to become aroused. He didn't quite succeed.

"You're supposed to be looking for these kinds of things," Arthur berated him. "But apparently your pea-sized brain was focused somewhere else. Now look what you've done!"

"Oh, no, you can't pin this on me," Merlin argued. "You're the best animal tracker in the land. Why weren't you keeping watch for traps?"

"That's - that's not the point," Arthur sputtered. "I'm supposed to be due back for a council meeting in two hours. You know what it will look like when I'm not there?"

"That you lost track of time?" Merlin guessed.

"It will look like I'm shirking my responsibilities!" Arthur glowered at his manservant. "I'll lose the respect of the council and my father…" Arthur groaned. "Who knows what the hell my father will say."

"Arthur, I'm sure it can be overlooked this one time," Merlin tried.

"No, it can't. You don't know what it's like for me, feeling the pressure to succeed all the time!" Arthur thundered. "There's nothing worse than feeling like I've disappointed my father."

"It's not like you fell in this hole on purpose," said Merlin. "It was just a mistake. I'll explain it all to your father and then you can-"

"Future kings aren't allowed to make mistakes," said Arthur. "I can't be anything less than perfect."

"You're being too hard on yourself," said Merlin.

"That was a direct word-for-word quote from my father," Arthur informed him, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh," Merlin said quietly. "I think that's bollocks."

"Good for you," Arthur said sarcastically.

They stood there in silence, with Arthur fuming and Merlin apologetic. How he wished he could use his magic to get them out of this, but Arthur couldn't know about that. Just when Merlin was going to talk about the weather, just to kill the silence, Arthur beat him to it.

"Some days I wish I could be you, Merlin," Arthur confessed.

"What!?" Merlin gaped at him. "And have to run around and do chores all day long? Did you hit your head when you fell?"

"No. Living as a servant sounds easier than bearing the burden of knowing you have to be the next king," said Arthur. "You have no worries to speak of, other than will you get all of your chores done on time to escape my wrath."

"Excuse me," Merlin bristled. "I have a great many worries, thank you very much." The worst worry was, of course, that someone would discover Merlin's magic. Then he would be of no use to Arthur. He couldn't fail in his destiny to protect Arthur. He just couldn't. He cared deeply for Arthur. He'd do anything to make sure the prince lived to fulfill his destiny to unite the five kingdoms, even sacrifice himself. Of course, he had to complicate things further by falling in love with the prat. But Arthur could never know how he felt. Merlin would never be more than Arthur's friend, if that. Merlin was still trying to convince himself that would be enough.

"Tell me your darkest secret," Arthur encouraged. "Come on. I told you one of mine."

"I can't," Merlin whispered.

"Sure you can," said Arthur, placing a hand on Merlin's shoulder. "I swear I won't tell a soul."

"Arthur, I would tell you if I could," Merlin insisted, shrugging Arthur's hand away. "I just can't."

The prince didn't take that well. "I see how it is. You don't trust me." Arthur's expression was stony.

"That's not it at all!" Merlin exclaimed.

"Then why won't you tell me?" Arthur pressed.

A look of misery shone on Merlin's face.

"Maybe I could guess," said Arthur. "I know. You're afraid to tell someone how you feel about them."

"Perhaps."

"Is it Gwen? I'll bet it's Gwen. You're always chatting with her."

"I'm not interested in Gwen," Merlin said firmly.

"Don't tell me it's Morgana," Arthur looked mildly disgusted.

Merlin made a face. "It's not her."

"Hmm. Perhaps one of the kitchen maids?"

"Arthur, how thick can you be? I'm not into women," Merlin grated out. Then, he realized what he said and clamped his hands over his mouth. "I shouldn't have said that," Merlin said, mortified. "Can you just please forget that I said that?"

Arthur stared at him like he was seeing him for the first time. "You like men?"

"Yes. No. Maybe? Wait, Arthur-"

"That's nothing to be ashamed of," said the prince.

"Yes, I know it's wrong, and I'm sorry I ever said-" Merlin paused mid sentence. "You're not mad?"

"No," Arthur said, unruffled.

Merlin closely scrutinized the prince, looking for any signs of disgust. If anything, Arthur seemed relieved by Merlin's admission.

"You don't look very surprised," Merlin observed. "How is this information not shocking to you?"

Arthur shook his head. "You're so naive, Merlin. If you knew what my knights got up to…"

"Your knights?" Merlin squeaked. Somehow, he'd thought the knights of Camelot were above that sort of thing. Didn't they have a code of chivalry to follow? Apparently not.

"Don't be such a girl, Merlin." Arthur shook his head. "My men have urges. When we go off on long trips, women are few and far between. It just happens."

"Oh," Merlin said dumbly. Then he had a very disconcerting thought. "Do you partake in…"

"That's none of your business," Arthur said sharply.

"I'm sorry," Merlin said quickly, fixating on the fact that Arthur didn't immediately deny it. "I didn't think…"

"You never think before you speak, Merlin." Arthur sounded weary.

"But you do like men?" Merlin thought asking the question was worth a possible punishment in the stocks.

"I have been known to explore that option," Arthur said carefully. Then the prince's stomach growled. "You didn't happen to have any food on you?"

"No," Merlin said, regretful. "The food is in the packs, which are tied to the horses."

This led to another uncomfortable silence. Merlin was still reeling from Arthur's confession that he liked men. He was once again reminded of how near the prince was. When they were talking, Merlin could distract himself from their situation, but when they weren't he couldn't help but dwell on it. His heart was racing and he hoped that Arthur couldn't hear it. It was sweet torture being this close to Arthur and not being able to do what he wished. How he wanted to press his lips against Arthur's, to see if they fit together like they did during his midnight imaginings.

"I can't believe I'm stuck here with you of all people," Arthur griped, interrupting Merlin's inappropriate thoughts.

"Thanks a lot! I'm sorry I'm not one of your knights," Merlin retorted. "Which one do you prefer? Gwaine? Percival? Elyan?"

"If you must know, I don't prefer any of them," Arthur snapped.

"So you've never…"

"Not for awhile," Arthur growled. "There's someone who's gotten under my skin, and I can't stop thinking about them no matter how much I try."

"Oh," said Merlin, dejected. "Then that person is very lucky."

"Why do you say that?" Arthur said sharply.

"Anyone would be lucky to have your affection," Merlin said honestly. "I know you, Arthur. You would pursue them relentlessly, not stopping until you get what you want. I'm- I'm happy for you." That last part had been hard to say, but Merlin supposed it was somewhat true.

"I haven't told them," Arthur mumbled.

"Why not? Since when are you shy about such things?" Merlin asked.

"I didn't know if he liked men until ten minutes ago." Arthur's eyes caught Merlin's, who gasped as he realized what Arthur had said.

"No," he said quickly. "You can't mean, me. I'm nobody. I'm just your servant."

"It's always been you, you fucking idiot," Arthur growled before attacking Merlin's lips.

Merlin lost himself in the kiss, letting Arthur take the lead. He whimpered, amazed by how wonderful it felt to have Arthur's tongue sliding against his own. They lost themselves in each other, caught up in the raw need that had festered between them ever since they first met. Merlin tugged at Arthur's shirt, before the prince abruptly pulled away.

"Merlin," Arthur said brokenly.

"What's wrong?" Merlin asked, stroking the back of Arthur's head.

"I have to come to my senses," Arthur berated himself. "I want you, but this can never be."

Merlin's blood ran cold. "Why not?"

"My father."

Merlin wondered what was wrong with Arthur, and gave a small sigh of relief. "Oh, is that all? We won't tell him. Obviously."

"No, Merlin, you don't understand." Arthur sounded frustrated. "If my father ever found out about us, he'd have you killed!"

"I seriously doubt that," Merlin tried. "That's a bit extreme, even for him."

"You didn't know about what happened to Morgana." Arthur grimaced, remembering the whole grisly story.

"I'm not sure that I follow you, Arthur." Merlin was confused. What did Morgana had to do with them?

"It happened a few months before you came to Camelot. Before Gwen had been Morgana's maid, she'd had someone else. A girl by the name of Morgause. They were secret lovers. My father accidentally walked in on them in a compromising position." Arthur was trembling now. "That very evening he had Morgause burned and made Morgana watch. Morgana screamed for him to stop, but even her impassioned pleas couldn't move his hardened heart."

"Uther… he-he really did that?" Merlin stammered, his stomach plummeting as he realized the implications of Arthur's words. "Just because he found them together? How could anyone be that cruel?"

Arthur shook his head. "My father believes that romantic love can only be found between a man and a woman. Anything else is an abomination. Many people throughout the kingdom feel the same way."

"They're sadly mistaken," said Merlin. "What we feel for each other, it could never be wrong."

"There's more," Arthur continued. "After Morgause was killed, my father called me to his chambers. He warned me that if I ever became involved with someone of the opposite sex, he'd find out and he would kill them. I promised him I'd never touch a man. And I haven't since. Until now."

"Arthur," Merlin tried. "You can't let that stop us."

"I won't risk your life for this!" said the prince.

"Some things are worth the risk," Merlin insisted.

"I won't have you killed in front of me." Arthur fell apart in Merlin's arms. "Don't ask me to risk that."

"Alright, calm down," Merlin soothed. "We'll figure this out."

"I'll have to send you away," Arthur realized.

"No!" Merlin cried, blanching at the idea of being separated from the man that he loved. "Arthur, I won't leave you! Please don't ask that of me. We can just go back to being friends. I'll be your idiot manservant again."

"It won't work, Merlin. I know myself. I won't be able to keep my hands off you," Arthur said sadly.

"We could keep it a secret," Merlin tried. "We could have a rendezvous place. We could meet there once a month, perhaps. That wouldn't be nearly enough but…"

"I'm sorry, Merlin. I can't risk us getting caught."

"Arthur, please," Merlin swallowed back tears. "Don't give up on this, on us."

"I don't know what else to do. I wish I could forget," said Arthur, the pain in his voice tearing Merlin's heart to shreds. "It would be so much easier if I could just forget this ever happened."

"You don't mean that."

"I do mean that. Then you wouldn't have to leave me."

Merlin held him until the morning came. Arthur couldn't help himself, and once again claimed Merlin's mouth for his own. Merlin cherished every moment, believing this to be their last kiss. They only drew apart when they heard familiar voices calling for them.

"We're down here!" Merlin yelled, as Arthur clung to him for dear life. "Arthur, you have to let me go. They'll be here any second," Merlin reminded him.

Arthur pulled away, as if scalded by Merlin's touch. "I'm sacking you as soon as we return to Camelot. You're to return to Ealdor."

"If that is your wish, Sire," Merlin said quietly.

"It is." Up went Arthur's walls.

"I'll always love you, Arthur," Merlin confessed, kissing his prince's brow.

Arthur pulled back and didn't say anything in return. It was just as well, because in that moment, Gwaine and Leon found them. The two knights threw down a rope down to haul them up.

"Give us a minute," Merlin called, his decision made. He wasn't leaving Arthur. There was no other way out of this. He touched Arthur's temple with his left hand. His eyes flashed gold once before he felt the siren call of Arthur's mind. He whispered,

"Forget."

.~.

"That's it," Merlin concluded his story. "That's the memory. I'm sorry I kept it from you all this time."

Arthur said nothing, just stared at Merlin as if he was still absorbing the story, and maybe he was. Merlin let Arthur digest everything he had just said, hoping that it made sense.

Five minutes had crawled by and Arthur hadn't said a word. Merlin didn't know how to fix it. Now he wished that it'd never happened at all. Why had he thought telling Arthur about this had been a good idea?

"Merlin?" Arthur sounded forlorn.

"Yes?"

"Has there been any other times that you've erased my memory?" Arthur sounded hesitant to ask. "I don't think you're capable of that, but I want to hear it directly from you.

"No," Merlin promised. "I didn't want to do it, Arthur! You have to believe me."

"You did what you thought was right," Arthur said slowly.

"I never should have touched your mind, I know that," Merlin insisted, shaking as he tried to convince Arthur the truth. "I just couldn't bear to be separated from you. How was I supposed to protect you from harm if you'd sent me away?"

Arthur narrowed his eyes at him. "Do you swear to me that you'll never remove a memory from my mind ever again?"

"I'll never do it again," Merlin vowed. "There would be no need to, as you know about my magic and my feelings for you."

"Alright," Arthur said, a small smile growing on his lips. "I believe you. Come here."

Merlin gratefully crawled back into his king's arms and sobbed his heart out. "Do you forgive me?" Merlin asked, his voice muffled by Arthur's shirt.

"Of course!" Arthur insisted.

"Really?" Merlin sniffed. "Oh. I thought-"

"No, Merlin, I'm not leaving you." Arthur rolled his eyes. This always seemed to happen whenever Merlin shared a secret or confessed something that he'd done. When was his warlock going to get it through his thick skull that Arthur was never walking away? "I was upset, and reasonably so, but I would never-"

"Good." Merlin relaxed into Arthur's embrace, relieved that his story hadn't torn them apart. "Ow, my head hurts."

"Merlin, you worked yourself into a right state," said Arthur, shaking his head. "And all for nothing." He gently rubbed Merlin's temples, knowing from past experience that this was where it hurt most.

"I thought I'd permanently cocked things up between us by telling you," Merlin admitted, sighing as he let Arthur massage his worries away. "I thought you'd be furious at me for what I'd done."

"I'm furious that you didn't tell me about this sooner." Arthur glared at him. "Do you trust me so little?"

"You know that's not it! I was so ashamed, Arthur. I thought what I did was unforgivable. I made you forget about your love for me."

"You did it for the right reasons." Arthur kissed his forehead. "Thank goodness I fell in love with you again."

"Thank goodness," Merlin echoed. He shuddered, not wanting to think about what life would've been like without Arthur's love.

"I'm so lucky to have your devotion," Arthur murmured. "I know this must've been a tough decision for you to make. Magically removing a memory is not something you'd normally do. I never would've asked it of you if I'd known you had magic."

"I wasn't about to tell you about my magic then," said Merlin. "That would've just been another reason for you to send me away, to keep your father from finding out about it."

"My father's hatred almost forced us apart," Arthur fumed. "I'll never forgive him for that, Merlin. Never."

"You must," Merlin insisted. "You cannot let that hate poison your heart. It will only lead to misery and fear. You're much too good to allow that to fester within you."

"Only because you showed me the good in myself, and in this world," said Arthur. Then he realized what he'd said. He'd never said anything sappier in his life. Well, not counting his declaration of love to Merlin a year ago. "Do not repeat what I just said to anyone."

Merlin cracked a cheeky smile. His usual playful self had returned, much to Arthur's relief. "I wouldn't dream of it, sire."

"Not sire. Arthur," the king corrected.

"Arthur. My Arthur." Merlin caressed Arthur's cheek, and the king instinctively leaned into his touch. "I know it's been a year, but some days I can't believe you're mine. I've been alone for most of my adult life, sometimes it takes me a second to remember that we're together. But when I do, it brings me great happiness."

"I'm yours until the end of time," Arthur promised. "That is never going to change. Do you believe me, Merlin?"

"Not completely, but I'm working on it," Merlin admitted. "I know I make things difficult for you, never knowing how much of myself to share, how well you will take it."

"I've done well so far with everything you've thrown at me," said Arthur. "Give me a little credit. If I can handle the times when you were under the influence of dark magic, I can certainly handle this."

"I know that," Merlin said softly. "I just don't want to lose you."

"You need to have more faith in me," Arthur reminded him. "Every time I learn something new about you, something that could be off-putting, I still stick around."

"I know, and I thank you for that. I just, sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better if you had someone who was more, well, normal."

"Sounds boring," said Arthur. "I'd rather have you. Dark magic and all."

"Thanks," Merlin said quietly.

"I've done all I can to convince you that you're worth it," said Arthur. "Now you have to convince yourself."

"That's the hard part," Merlin admitted. "I know I'm going to mess up things between us, I just know it."

"Yes you will," said Arthur. "But so will I. We'll both make some spectacular mistakes in our day. We will work out these issues as they come. But for tonight, for the love of God, try not to worry?"

"I'll do my best," Merlin promised, grinning at Arthur. Perhaps it was time for him to completely trust in Arthur, and not hold back.

The End

A/N: I don't know what happened. It got really sappy there at the end!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine. How unfortunate!

.~.

Bonus Chapter 9: Adventures in Bed

Merlin and Arthur were lounging on Arthur's king-sized bed. It was Sunday morning, and they were having a lie-in. Arthur had no morning duties that day, so he could afford to be lazy. The king and his court sorcerer took advantage of this free time. They lay entangled in each other's arms as they stretched out their libs, covering almost the entire bed.

"Merlin, I'm so lucky to have you," Arthur murmured into Merlin's ear. "I was lost until I met you. I was drifting through life, not caring about anyone other than myself. You turned my life around, you gave me something to hope for, something to strive for. I wanted to be the man that you deserve."

"You are," Merlin promised. It was rare that Arthur would bare his feelings like this, so Merlin decided not to tease him about it. This time.

"Thanks," Arthur said quietly. "Even though my quality of life increased tremendously after I met you, I was never truly happy until we confessed our love for each other."

"I'm so glad I can make you happy," Merlin mused, yawning hugely. He still wasn't completely awake. "Especially sexually. When we first started out, I was really worried about that bit. I'd never had any practice before you."

Arthur chuckled, remembering how Merlin used to blush when they came together. "You were a natural. You learned very quickly what I liked. I hope that I learned quickly for you too."

"You did," Merlin assured him.

"I wonder how many blow jobs we've given each other?" Arthur wondered. Penetrative sex with Merlin was fucking fantastic, but there was just something special about being sucked off. The intimacy factor was there, as you really had to place a lot of trust in your partner before you felt comfortable enough to do such a thing.

"A lot," was Merlin's precise response.

"You've definitely brought me off more," said Arthur. "For a few months, you would do it to me, but you were too scared to let me do it to you."

"That was stupid," said Merlin, remembering that his fears had been unfounded. "I missed out."

"It was stupid," Arthur agreed. "You were with me - you had nothing to fear. I wouldn't have done anything you weren't ready for."

"It was uncomfortable and awkward at first, but I came to really like receiving as well as giving," said Merlin. "I think it helped for me that we had years of friendship and trust built up between us before we did anything sexual."

"Mmm," Arthur agreed. "Remember the first time you gave me one?"

"The very first time it almost didn't work because it was really cold in your rooms," Merlin recalled. "I didn't know what I was doing wrong, because you didn't tell me you were cold."

Arthur mock-glared at his sorcerer. "I thought you were as cold as I was!"

"I was focusing on what I was doing," Merlin reminded him. "It was my first time doing that."

"Luckily we could quickly remedy the situation," said Arthur. "You lit the fire with your magic, and as soon as I warmed up, everything worked."

He tightened his arms around Merlin, loving the warmth and security that came with sharing a bed with Merlin.

"Hey, remember that one time I got really thirsty?" Merlin asked.

"I don't remember the specifics - it was awhile ago. But I remember you couldn't stop laughing," said Arthur. "It was pretty amusing."

"Here, I'll show you." Merlin allowed them to view the memory with their minds linked together. Their vision finally cleared to see a picture of the beginning of the memory.

Arthur and Merlin were making good use of the bath that Merlin had drawn for them. Merlin had knelt before his king, his knees resting on a submerged pillow as he prepared to go down on Arthur. The king braced himself, ready for the sudden onslaught of Merlin's lips. Last time they'd done this, Arthur had come so hard he'd blacked out. This time he inwardly vowed that he'd stay awake. Merlin already had enough to tease him about already - Arthur didn't need to add to the list.

"Well, get on with it," Arthur encouraged. He'd just finished kissing Merlin within an inch of his life. Arthur knew that Merlin wanted this tonight.

Merlin blushed a tad. "Alright, you prat." He leaned down and captured Arthur's cock in his mouth.

Arthur moaned his appreciation, encouraging Merlin to continue to keep doing THAT.

"Right there," Arthur praised. "Mmmm, Merlin." They settled into a comfortable rhythm for a few minutes. Merlin realized how thirsty he was so he reluctantly pulled away.

"What's wrong?" Arthur asked, alarmed.

"Sorry, I just really needed a drink," Merlin informed him.

Arthur watched, incredulous as Merlin magicked a wine goblet over to him. Merlin greedily drank his fill, all the while keeping his left hand on Arthur's penis and lightly stroking it.

Merlin finished the wine. "That's better," he sighed. "Where was I?" Then he saw Arthur's glare. "What have I done now?" Merlin wondered.

Arthur gave him his patented 'you idiot' stare. "You kept your hand on me while you were drinking."

Merlin shrugged. "So?"

"So!" Arthur looked incredulous. "Merlin, why would you do that? It makes no sense."

"I don't know!" Merlin blushed. "I wanted to keep pleasuring you while I drank. I was really thirsty so…" Merlin burst into laughter, not a few quiet giggles, but a full out belly laugh. "It's not very funny but somehow, it really is! I needed a drink before I could get down to business! That's hilarious!"

Arthur always loved Merlin's laugh, as he could hear Merlin's innocent delight as well as see the joy on his sorcerer's face. So of course, Arthur was going to do whatever he could to keep Merlin laughing.

"I'm Merlin, and I can't bring my king off because I'm too busy drinking," Arthur mocked him.

This time Merlin actually giggled.

"Merlin, if you really wanted something to drink, you could've just kept sucking me off," said Arthur. This really wasn't that funny, but for some reason it sent Merlin into hysterics. They glanced at each other, and the laughing soon infected Arthur as well. It took them a few minutes to get the laughs out of their systems.

After they finally calmed down, Merlin did a spectacular job of blowing Arthur.

But after Arthur recovered, he told Merlin something interesting. "I can't feel my face," the king admitted.

"Very funny," said the court sorcerer.

"Merlin, I'm serious!" Arthur exclaimed. "Really! I can't feel my face when I'm with you. What did you do to me?"

"With my magic, who knows?" Merlin gave him an honest answer.

Arthur had to wait twenty minutes before the numbness left his cheeks. But it had totally been worth it.

Merlin and Arthur came out of the memory, both rather aroused. They were ready to make some new memories - right then.

End Bonus Chapter 9

A/N: It's not super long, but it's hopefully amusing. I love writing these tiny little snippets of insight into Arthur and Merlin's relationship.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Merlin isn't mine. Merlin is Arthur's. Duh.

A/N: Merlin's usually the one that worries, but this time I made Arthur be the worrier. I hope you like the role reversal.

.~

Bonus Chapter 10: Unforeseen Complications

.~.

After a long morning of meetings, Arthur took a post-lunch stroll around the lower town. He wore a hooded black cloak which hid his identity. Sometimes he just wanted to exist in his kingdom without people treating him as the king. He wanted to observe his people as they truly were.

As the king moved seamlessly between his people, Merlin came to mind. Arthur smiled to himself - when was Merlin not on his mind? After their rough patch with Merlin's dark magic, their relationship had returned to its usual harmonious state. Sure they got on each other's nerves living in the same space, but other than their normal bickering they'd had no major mishaps or fights. It was almost too good to be true.

Honestly, after Merlin had been freed from the dark magic, and Arthur learned how to trust Merlin again, their relationship grew even stronger than before. They had a higher intimacy level, somewhat thanks to the nature of their soul bond and the thought speech that came with it. But most of it was knowing that, even when Merlin had almost taken Arthur against his will, the king had unequivocally forgiven Merlin for it. He didn't hold Merlin responsible for the his behavior under the influence of the dark magic. Merlin had been so grateful for the king's forgiveness, that he'd do pretty much whatever Arthur wanted in bed.

This arrangement was really working out well for the king. He tried not to abuse it… oh who was he kidding? He totally abused it. However, he could do without Merlin treating him like he was made of glass. Arthur loved it when Merlin 'took charge' but there hadn't been much of that lately. But he savored the nights when Merlin slowly worshipped his body, teasing and toying with him to draw out their lovemaking and make it last. Arthur was the recipient of so much pure love, it was almost too much for him to handle.

There were some days where he didn't feel completely deserving of Merlin's love, especially when he'd had to make a decision that, for the good of the kingdom, ended up causing hardship to some of his poorest subjects. Those decisions never sat well with him, but they had to be made. Arthur knew that he couldn't fix every problem that his kingdom had, but it sure felt like people expected him to. He assumed that Merlin was in the same boat with the magical community, as he was their leader. But Arthur didn't always confide in Merlin about every little decision he made. He simply hadn't had the time, what with him and Merlin being so busy. Any time to themselves was mostly spent in bed. Arthur only went to Merlin for advice about the really important things. He didn't want to disappoint Merlin by informing him of his decisions that had a less than favorable outcome for all involved. Arthur could barely handle watching as Merlin's face fell when Arthur told him about a needless death or a small increase on taxes. So he stopped telling Merlin about such things.

Arthur shook his head as if to clear it. He didn't want to dwell on such thoughts right now. He just wanted an escape from the pressures of being king, even if it was just for short while.

He came across two middle-aged women who were standing near the smithy. From the sound of it, they discussing their families. Of course, Arthur wasn't one to eavesdrop unless it was for the good of the kingdom. However, he rationalized that this conversation might be crucial for him to hear, so Arthur casually stood by and listened.

"Rowena, I can't believe that Owain and I are going to be married for twenty years," the dumpy gray haired woman gushed.

"Has it really been that long, May? Goodness, but the time has flown by. Remember when I convinced you to give my brother a chance?" Rowena asked.

"How could I forget?!" May exclaimed. "I was already courting another boy at the time I met your brother Owain. I almost said no."

"But then I reminded you that only kissing one man wasn't enough," said Rowena. "That you need to have something to compare it to so you'll know when you meet the one."

"Quite right," said May. ''I'm so glad I chose to give your brother a chance When we kissed, there was this special attraction between us, which wasn't something I'd felt with the other man. I'm so glad I didn't waste my life on the other one, and that I gained you as a sister." Then the gossiping ladies left the smithy.

Arthur's panic face surfaced as he stood in the middle of the street, watching the women walk away. He couldn't help but apply what he'd heard to his relationship with Merlin. As far as he knew, Merlin had never kissed anyone else beside him. Who was to say that Merlin wouldn't be more attracted to someone else? If Merlin had never kissed another, it could be possible that there was someone else out there for Merlin, someone who was a better match? Perhaps someone with magic, or someone who wasn't always in the public eye.

Arthur didn't know what to do. If he told Merlin about these thoughts, it was possible that Merlin could misinterpret his meaning. Arthur didn't actually want to spend time apart, to see if there was someone better for Merlin, but the thought wouldn't leave his head. He returned to the castle and buried himself in his work, but he couldn't shake his sour mood.

The king of Camelot grew more irritable as the day went on. When he and Merlin were alone for the night in their chambers, Merlin pulled it out of him.

"Arthur, what's wrong?" Merlin asked. "You haven't been yourself since your walk in the lower town. Did someone impugn your honor?"

"Very funny," Arthur said sarcastically. If only that was it. The king was glad that Merlin had noticed he'd been feeling off. That was something, at least. He thought about telling Merlin about the conversation that he'd overheard in the lower town, but decided that would make him sound foolish. "Have you kissed anyone else besides me?" Arthur demanded.

Merlin frowned at the harshness behind Arthur's words. They sounded like an accusation. What had he done to warrant such a question? "Where did that come from?" The sorcerer asked.

"Well, have you?" The king pressed.

"Arthur, why does that matter?" Merlin sounded genuinely confused.

"I need to know," Arthur grated out.

"Gwen kissed me once, just after we first met," Merlin admitted. "But it was more of a friendly kiss, I had almost died and-"

"Kisses with women don't count, idiot," said Arthur. "I know you're only attracted to men."

"I'm only attracted to you, Arthur," Merlin said in earnest. "But if you must know, no, I haven't kissed another man."

Arthur sighed, putting his head in his hands. This wasn't the answer that he wanted.

"I thought you'd be happy about that," said Merlin, his azure eyes filled with concern. "How is this a problem?"

"If you don't have anything to compare me with, how do you know that I'm the one for you?" Arthur asked.

"How do I know? Well, there's the small fact that we happen to be soul bonded," said Merlin, putting emphasis on the last two words. "For life, Arthur. There's no one who could interest me other than you. My magic knows that. That's why it drew me to you."

"But you rushed into the whole soul bond thing because you wanted to come back to Earth and gave up your immortality to be with me." Arthur countered. "We never talked about it, Merlin. If you hadn't bonded us, you wouldn't have been able to come back. You didn't have a choice."

Merlin gave a little laugh. "We didn't need to talk about it, Arthur. I've loved you practically since the day we met. I didn't rush into anything."

Arthur was silent. He didn't completely believe Merlin. "How do you know that there's no one else out there for you if you haven't looked?" The king asked.

"I don't need to look," Merlin tried but Arthur was having none of it.

"I want you to kiss someone else," Arthur decided.

"Arthur." Merlin stared at Arthur as if he'd sprouted two heads. "That's not necess-"

"No, I mean it!" The king glared at Merlin. "I have to be sure that I didn't push you into this. I need you to tell me for certain that what you feel for me is different from what you feel with another."

"This is insane." Merlin just stared at Arthur, deeply hurt. He was a bit amused before, but then things quickly turned serious. "Why are you doing this, Arthur? I thought we were perfectly happy. My love for you is true. Why do you doubt that?"

"I don't know," Arthur said softly. "I just… what if in ten years our love had died out and you told me that you'd wished you'd explored other options? I couldn't bear that, Merlin. It would destroy me."

"Arthur, that's not going to happen," Merlin insisted.

"You don't know that for sure," said Arthur. "Even with all your power, you can't foresee the future."

"No, I don't know for sure," Merlin admitted. "But I can't see that happening, as long as we carry on the way we are now. You need to have more faith in us. I do."

"I need proof, Merlin," Arthur insisted. "Look. All you have to do is kiss another man. If you don't enjoy it, I'll never speak of this again. But if you do… perhaps we should consider taking a break so that you can explore other options."

"But I don't want to kiss another man! Nor do I want a break from you. Wait…" Merlin gave Arthur a calculating look. "Do you want to take a break from me? Do you want to see other people?"

"No!" Arthur cried. Merlin was completely missing the point. "Not at all. I'm one hundred percent committed to you . Don't over complicate things."

"That's exactly what you are doing!" Merlin shot back.

"I have to know, Merlin." Arthur stubbornly stood his ground. "Or else not knowing will eat me up inside."

"You really need me to do this," Merlin realized, with a sinking feeling. He was going to have to kiss someone who wasn't Arthur.

"Please," Arthur whispered.

"Alright," Merlin said reluctantly. "Know that I'm doing it under protest. Whatever happens is not going to change how I feel about you, Arthur. But if it will put your doubts to rest, I'll do it."

"Thank you," said the king, relieved that he wouldn't have to beg.

"If I do this, it means that you won't be the only person I've kissed," Merlin reminded him.

Arthur wasn't happy about that part, but it had to be done. "It's just a kiss," Arthur scoffed. "It's not like I want you to have sex with him."

"I didn't know kisses meant so little to you," Merlin snapped, remembering all the times that he and Arthur had shared all manner of kisses during the duration of their relationship. He'd thought those kisses had been special, that they had meaning. Maybe he thought wrong.

"That's not what I meant!" Arthur exclaimed. "Merlin…"

"No, I get it," said Merlin. "I'll go down to the stables this afternoon. I'm sure I'll find a willing stable boy to - what was it - explore other options. I'll see you later, Sire." Merlin stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Arthur realized that he must have really gotten to Merlin if the sorcerer was resorting to such a childish action.

Arthur collapsed onto their bed and curled up into a ball. He shook for a few minutes, but he didn't cry. If tears gathered at his eyes, it wasn't really crying. No man was worth his tears, not even Merlin.

.~.

Once he'd quickly pulled himself together, Arthur located Sir Leon and Sir Gwaine and demanded that they leave on a hunting trip with him at once. The two knights didn't question Arthur when he sounded like that. Arthur just had to get away from the city, at least for a few hours. He didn't want to be anywhere near the stables, not when he knew what Merlin was going to do. Which was ridiculous, considering he was the one who'd forced Merlin into do it.

Servants brought three horses and necessary supplies to the courtyard, where Arthur, Gwaine, and Leon mounted them. They rode out into the forest along one of the lesser used trails, with Arthur setting the pace out in front. He only went a short while, not wanting to stray too far from the castle in case there was need of him.

"Something's bothering you," Leon stated when they stopped to water the horses.

"It's nothing," Arthur snapped.

Leon and Gwaine shared a knowing look over Arthur's head. "What have you done to Merlin this time?" Gwaine casually inquired.

"How do you know I did something to him?" Arthur asked in spite of himself. "How do you know it wasn't the other way around?"

"Because most of the time that's what happens," said Gwaine. "You do or say something stupid, and Merlin always pays the price."

"I-" Arthur caved and told them everything. He put his head in his hands, not wishing to look his knights in the eye after that confession. Talk about baring his soul! This was something that the king didn't ever do. But he just couldn't keep it inside any longer. Arthur knew he could trust Leon and Gwaine.

"Excuse me for saying so, Sire, but what the fuck?" Leon cried.

Arthur's head snapped up. Leon never swore, so Arthur paid extra attention to what he next said.

"We all know that Merlin will love you until the day you die," said Leon. "You should too. God knows he's proved himself to you enough times."

Arthur knew that Merlin had proved his loyalty. He thought Merlin had also proved his love. But if Merlin's love was his only because Merlin had never considered another, then perhaps it didn't count.

"Did Merlin do something that led to this?" Gwaine wondered.

"No," Arthur said miserably. "I was just afraid that if-"

Without warning, Arthur's forehead burned. The young king clutched at his head as he experienced the most excruciating pain he'd ever felt. "Ahhh, my head!" he cried. He knew it wasn't any sort of physical ailment. The bond was scalding him. In his mind's eye he saw Merlin kissing another man who vaguely looked like him. Arthur crumpled to the ground, unable to stay upright as he drowned in the crushing waves of mental pain.

"Arthur!" Leon cried, rushing to help the king sit back up.

"What's happening?" Gwaine asked. "Arthur, talk to us!"

"The bond," Arthur gasped, wincing as he felt a pulsating throbbing in his temples. "It hurts. Merlin, he's hurting me!"

"Merlin would never…" Gwaine trailed off. He watched his king cry out in pain and didn't know how to help. There was no monster to slay that would right the situation. The knight was completely out of his element here.

"What can we do?" Leon asked. "I can't see what's attacking him. Is it sorcery?"

"I don't know. We have to get him to Merlin!" Gwaine realized. "Help me with him."

Leon helped Arthur climb onto his horse, and Gwaine climbed up behind him. "Merlin, stop…" Arthur moaned before going completely slack.

"Sire!" Leon cried. He shook his king, but Arthur didn't wake.

"Don't worry. He's still breathing, he's just knocked out," said Gwaine after quickly assessing the king, which was difficult as they were on a horse. He tightened his arms around Arthur, watching as the king's head lolled to the side. "The things I do for you, Princess," Gwaine muttered as he cradled the king's head. But the knight was terrified that something would happen to Arthur on the way back to Camelot. He couldn't handle delivering Arthur to Merlin if he was… no, Gwaine wouldn't think about that.

"Come on, Gwaine, it's not far," Leon encouraged. "We'll keep him safe until we arrive."

Gwaine nodded, and urged his horse to follow Leon's.

"I don't understand what's happening to him," Leon worried.

"I only hope that Merlin will," said Gwaine, his words sounding ominous as they rode back to Camelot as fast as they dared.

.~.

Meanwhile, in the stables, Merlin had quickly found a horse groom willing to 'become more acquainted' in one of the deserted corners. But beyond that, Merlin didn't know what to do. He'd never given any thought to propositioning anyone other than Arthur.

"My lord, are you alright?" The boy asked. Merlin noted that the boy had blonde hair and blue eyes and was fairly muscular. Huh. Maybe he did have a type. But this boy didn't shine like Arthur, didn't radiate energy that called to him. "My lord, did you still want to…"

No, get away from me! Merlin's mind screamed. I belong to Arthur and no other. "Yes," Merlin said aloud. He reminded himself that he was doing this for Arthur. "I'm just not sure how to-"

"My Lord Merlin, let me," the boy said. He took Merlin's hands in his and slowly pulled him closer until their lips were almost touching. Their eyes locked and Merlin reluctantly closed the distance between them. Merlin noticed that the boy's lips were plump and wet, much like Arthur's. But when the boy's tongue sought Merlin's, the sorcerer realized that all he could feel was their tongues touching. There was no unseen pull, no desperate yearning for more, no need to lose himself in this boy's very essence.

Then he realized that this felt very wrong. This wasn't his Arthur, therefore it wasn't what he wanted. But before he could pull away, Merlin was wracked by a searing pain in his head. His magic instantly reacted and reduced the severe pain to a minor discomfort. Then Merlin had the sense to pull away from the boy. He stepped back, as if scalded.

"What's wrong?" The boy asked, but Merlin hardly heard him. In his mind, Merlin had felt his other half's scream. He knew that Arthur too had experienced the mysterious pain, but unlike Merlin, he didn't have any magical means to dull it.

"Arthur," Merlin breathed, realizing where he was needed. "I have to go." Then Merlin grabbed a horse, swung astride it, and flew out of the stables. He mentally located Arthur just outside of the city and headed in that direction.

He quickly came upon with Sir Leon and Sir Gwaine in the forest. A pale, deathly still Arthur was supported by Gwaine's strong arms.

"What happened?" Merlin cried.

"He was clutching his head earlier," Gwaine informed Merlin.

"It's possible he blacked out due to the severity of the pain," said Leon as they all helped the unconscious Arthur down from the horse. They carefully lay him down in a bed of grass.

"Can you tell what's wrong with him?" Leon asked as Merlin's hands flew to Arthur's temples. "Is it a magical attack?"

The court sorcerer performed a healing spell, to no avail. "I think I did something to him," Merlin's voice shook as he tried to rouse Arthur yet again and failed. "But it was an accident. I swear, I didn't mean to!"

"What'd you do?" Gwaine asked, almost afraid to find out.

"I kissed another, on Arthur's orders." Merlin's shoulders shook as the knights took in his broken expression. "I think our bond thought that I was deliberately cheating on him. How could I have done this to him?" Merlin cried. "It's all my fault."

"No, it's not! Arthur's a fucking idiot for putting you in that situation," Gwaine growled. "You had no way to know how his mind would react."

"I have to reach him somehow," Merlin murmured to himself. Thankfully, the answer came to him quickly. "I think I have to go inside his head."

"Do what you need to do," said Leon. "We'll keep watch."

Merlin nodded. He placed his fingers on Arthur's temples, closed his eyes, and initiated a state where they could share minds. He followed the call of the siren song that was Arthur's golden energy, tracing the illuminated path that led directly into the king's inner sanctum.

Once inside the mindscape, Merlin found himself to be surrounded with dark green fur trees in the middle of a forest of shadows. He slowly pushed through the dry, prickly needles as he tried to move forward to find Arthur. He tried to use a spell to light his way, but his magic was useless in here. Ever so often, he came across brambles of thorns. If he got too close, the brambles would reach out to try and grab him. But Merlin would prevail - he knew that Arthur was in here somewhere. He could sense him, but something wasn't right. Arthur's usual radiant energy was dimmed, cut off from its source.

The sorcerer finally came to a clearing in the forest that showcased a tall ivory tower. Merlin could sense that Arthur was stuck in the top of the tower. Of course, it was covered in brambles. Arthur never could make things easy for him, and that included exploring his mind. Merlin crawled up the side of the tower, carefully climbing stone by stone as he dodged the thorns.

"Arthur!" He called, when he'd almost reached the room at the top. "Hold on! I'm coming."

"Don't bother," Arthur scathingly responded from his position at the top. "You don't want me any more. Your actions made that perfectly clear."

Panting hard, the young sorcerer finally made it up to the room at the top of the tower, climbing in through the windowsill. "How can you say that when I just climbed this tower just to…" Merlin trailed off, having just seen the true state of his king's soul. "Oh, Arthur." Merlin said sadly as he took in the sight of his other half. His usually shining king looked emaciated, with bags under his eyes and his hair graying at the edges. Gone was Arthur's easy confidence laced with arrogance. Instead, there was a shell of a defeated man.

"Love, what have I done to you?" Merlin whispered.

"Why did you kiss him?" Arthur accused, wincing as he remembered the searing pain. "You hurt me."

"Don't you remember? You practically ordered me to kiss him," said Merlin. "Arthur, please. I never meant to hurt you." Merlin's eyes were tearing up during this point. He couldn't bear the fact that he'd caused Arthur pain.

"I would never wish to share you with another," Arthur said firmly. "Don't lie to me, Merlin."

"I'm not lying!" Merlin exclaimed. "I have never wanted anyone the way I want you," Merlin promised. "Arthur, I love you."

"If you love me, then why did you hurt me?" Arthur wanted to know.

"I didn't know that kissing someone would inadvertently hurt you," said Merlin. "If I'd known, I never would have let you talk me into…" He reached to pull Arthur close, but the king backed away.

When Merlin gave him a questioning look, Arthur responded. "I can't trust you anymore."

But Merlin took a step back, and didn't take the bait. "You mean you can't trust yourself," Merlin slowly realized. "That's the whole reason why we're in this mess. You think you're not good enough for me. Why, Arthur?"

"I just thought that there might be someone else out there who could treat you better that me," Arthur admitted. "Perhaps someone with magic, who would understand your struggles with it. Perhaps someone who doesn't live in the public eye. Then you wouldn't have to give so many speeches and stand beside me under public scrutiny all the time."

"Arthur, I want to stand at your side," said Merlin. "And as for the magic, that's never mattered." All this talk is getting us nowhere. We need to leave, to return to the present."

"I don't want to leave," said Arthur. "Although my head still hurts."

"I think the only way for you to be free of this pain is to get up and walk out of here," Merlin informed him.

"I'm just fine up here," said Arthur. "Here, nothing can hurt me."

"Arthur, this isn't real," Merlin insisted. "We're inside your mind. Our real bodies are in the forest. I can't get you to wake up, so I followed you here. Please remember, Arthur! You have a responsibility to your people, to your knights, your friends…"

"To you?" Arthur enquired.

"Especially to me," said Merlin. "Arthur, I swear I'll never touch another again. If you must know, I didn't feel anything for the boy. It just felt like kissing another pair of lips. It was nothing special. It was missing the spark, whatever it is that I feel when I'm kissing you."

"Oh," said Arthur. He was relieved by this. "Does this mean you don't want to take a break?"

"I don't want a break from you, you prat," Merlin cried. "Not now, not ever! And don't worry. I'm personally not going to let our love die out in ten years. I'm sure there's plenty of things that we can do to spice up our 'alone time'. We can spend more time alone, go on more walks, more hunting and fishing trips. I also think it's important to give each other council, especially if either one of us is making a difficult decision. I've been slacking on that lately, but I promise I can make it up to you. Our future will be amazing, Arthur. All you have to do is believe in it."

"Kiss me," Arthur ordered.

"Not until we're out of here," Merlin countered. "Climb down from the tower with me."

Arthur nodded, and slowly began the descent. Once they both reached the ground, Arthur wasn't sure what their next move was.

"How do we get out of my mind?" Arthur wondered.

"We can wish ourselves out, I think," said Merlin. "Just picture yourself safe and sound, back in the forest outside Camelot."

Arthur tried, but couldn't do it. He only gave himself a headache. "It's not working."

"Then perhaps there's something we need to do here before we leave," Merlin said reasonably. "Arthur, do you think it's possible to heal yourself in this place?"

Arthur glared at him. "I don't know how to heal myself."

"Maybe you don't, but you have someone who can help." Merlin locked eyes with Arthur's, his breath caught as the sorcerer recognized himself in their stormy depths.

"Hold me," Arthur murmured as the warlock drew his king into his arms. They stood like that for about five minutes, with Merlin hugging Arthur for all he was worth. Arthur buried his face in Merlin's shoulder, finally letting the sobs come.

"Let it out, love," Merlin soothed as Arthur shook in his arms. "It's alright. I'm here."

Arthur eventually pulled back, his tear-streaked face laid bare for Merlin to see.

"Feel better?" Merlin asked as he gently stroked Arthur's cheeks, brushing away the tears.

Arthur nodded. "Heal me, Merlin."

Merlin smiled. "I believe you've already done most of that. I'll just finish the job. Give me your hands," Merlin instructed and Arthur did. "You are worthy of my love, Arthur. Do you believe that?" Merlin asked.

"Yes," Arthur said quietly.

"Good. Now, we'll heal you together." Merlin's eyes flashed gold. A blazing white heat pulsed between them, and Arthur felt the emaciation slip away. His hair returned to it's golden glory. The bags from under his eyes disappeared. He was whole again! When his vision cleared, he found himself on the forest floor looking up at a very concerned Leon and Gwaine.

"Arthur?" Gwaine asked. "Are you alright?"

The king nodded, slightly wincing as the pain in his head slowly rescinded. "I'm fine. Where's Merlin?" Arthur glanced over to his side, and found his sorcerer trying to sit up.

"Merlin! You're back!" The knights exclaimed in unison.

"Yes, I'm alright," Merlin confirmed. "Just tired. You would be too, if you had to deal with this prat." He grinned good-naturedly at Arthur, who let Merlin get away with the insult - just this one time.

The knights delivered the king and his sorcerer safely back to Camelot. They escorted the duo back to their bedroom and snagged them some food from a couple passing servants. Gwaine and Leon bid them goodnight, encouraging them to eat and to fix whatever this was between them. Arthur and Merlin promised that they would.

"Kiss me," Arthur begged after they'd been left alone.

"Only if you understand that there's no one else for me, Arthur," said Merlin.

"I understand," said Arthur, blushing just a tad as he beamed at his former manservant. "Now prove it."

Merlin's lips sweetly found Arthur's. Oh yes, this was so much better than his last kiss! A feeling of home/love/safe bubbled up from his mind. Merlin slightly opened his mouth and Arthur's tongue slowly tangled with his. This was, to Merlin, the best feeling in the world. But as much as he enjoyed it, Merlin eventually had to pull away. He was getting so dizzy and mixed up as to where he stopped and Arthur began. It was disorienting for him to come back to the real world after he'd experienced this intense attraction to his soul mate.

"Woah," Arthur whispered as his head swam. "What you do to me Merlin, never fails to amaze."

"Now do you believe me?" Merlin asked. "That our love burns stronger than ever?"

"Yes," Arthur said with vehemence. "I'm sorry my inner self didn't remember that we'd planned the whole kiss thing."

"It's okay," said Merlin. "I should've thought of any negative consequences that might have happened to you if I kissed someone else. My magical instincts failed me." He looked away.

"No, Merlin," Arthur said quietly, turning Merlin back around to face him. "I'm the one to blame. If I hadn't been so insecure, none of this would've ever happened."

"Arthur, if you don't mind me asking, what prompted this?" Merlin asked.

Arthur told him about what he'd overheard in the lower town. Merlin immediately reassured his king that there was no need for him to kiss anyone else. He didn't like sharing. "Next time just tell me why something's bothering you," Merlin complained. "Arthur, you've been such an ass to me! I can't help you unless I know exactly what's going on."

"Alright," Arthur mumbled. "I think it will really help if we're completely honest with each other, in regards to the decisions that we make when the other isn't around."

"Then that is what we'll do," said Merlin. "Now that that is settled…" He pushed Arthur back onto the bed and had his way with him. He took Arthur face to face, so that the king could see the love in Merlin's eyes as he took the king to great heights. Arthur trembled as he came back down and Merlin held him all the way through it.

"I've got you," Merlin crooned as Arthur's breathing slowly returned to normal. "You're mine, Arthur Pendragon. I'm not leaving you. You've got me forever."

"Thank you," Arthur murmured as he clung to Merlin's lithe body. "I can't get enough of you," he confessed. "Your scent. Your touch. Your mind. God, Merlin. You're my perfect match."

"Honestly, Arthur, I don't know what's gotten into you, sounding this sentimental. Can men have periods? Because you sure are getting emotional," Merlin teased.

Arthur chucked a pillow at Merlin in response, and just like that, they were back to normal.

..~.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this as my as I did!


	9. Comedy and Tragedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen's son Thomas finds out about his true parentage, in regards to Lancelot.

Bonus Chapter: Comedy and Tragedy

A/N: In this chapter there's a time jump. Gwen and Lance's son Thomas is thirteen in this one, so it's thirteen years after Merlin's Struggles has ended. Of course, Thomas believes Arthur to be his father. Just reminding you guys!

.~.

Camelot's newest construction project was finally finished! A new addition had just been built, a new tower made of stone with black shingles. It rose higher than the north tower, where the lookouts stood on patrol watching the goings-on below. The magic students had been instrumental in its construction and speeding up the process. It had only taken weeks to complete instead of months.

Building the tower made a sizable dent in the royal treasury. The citizens of Camelot wondered as to why it had been built. The rumor behind the addition was, that Merlin needed more space to conduct magical experiments and it was protected by many magical safeguards, even more than the magic school. The townsfolk found that explanation to ring true, that Arthur had ordered this tower to be built as a gift to his Court Sorcerer. Their friendship was legendary, as one was hardly seen without the other. Of course the king and sorcerer were in a secret relationship but they'd done a good job hiding it from the public. Only their closest friends and servants knew.

Arthur kept hinting to Merlin that he wished to 'christen' the room, but his sorcerer could never seem to find the time. The king didn't understand Merlin's reluctance. He'd had the set of rooms made only for him and Merlin - the least his sorcerer could do was to make the room truly theirs. They were the only two people allowed up there - it would be a perfect romantic setting where they could… have 'alone time'. Arthur smirked. He was going to make Merlin beg for it.

But the empty room called not only to Arthur, but to others in the royal household. Mischievous thirteen year-old Thomas Pendragon and his two best friends decided that the new tower was a perfect place to practice forbidden spells. They snuck upstairs without being noticed and made their way up to the new room. The door was locked, but Thomas quickly unlocked it with magic.

"This is perfect!" Thomas happily exclaimed as his friends high-fived and slapped their book of forbidden spells on the table in the middle of the room. "No one will catch us up here." He'd stolen the book from the castle library, right in front of old Monmouth's nose. "Who wants to go first?"

Thomas and his friends decided to practice using forbidden magic to turn themselves into animals. Such spells were tricky and if done wrong, it could result in the caster being stuck as an animal forever. But to the young teens, it was worth the risk. It sounded so much fun, and they were the top students in their grade at school.

Then the voice of reason prevailed. "Are you sure we should be doing this?" Thomas's male best friend asked. He was Sir Elyan's son, named Geoffrey. "We could get in a lot of trouble if we're caught. Not to mention what would happen if this went wrong."

"You worry too much," scoffed the Pendragon heir. "Well, I guess if no one else is brave enough, I'll have to go first."

"No, wait. I'll do it," his other friend interjected. Her name was Leona and she was the first child of Morgana and Sir Leon. Her name was a combination of her parents' names. Although a year apart in age, she and Thomas were inseparable.

"No you won't," Geoffrey cut in. "I'm doing it first." He motioned for Thomas to get on with it. Thomas cast the spell, shouting the words as they echoed throughout the chamber as he raised his hand, directing the magic at Geoffrey.

"Animagus totallus!"

Geoffrey disappeared and in his place sat a dark green toad, complete with warts and all. Thomas and Leona completely cracked up as Geoffrey hopped around the room and croaked. They got a kick out of watching their froggy friend. That was when Leona realized something.

"Hey Thomas?" Leona gulped. "What's the spell to change him back?"

"Oh crap," Thomas mumbled. He hadn't thought that far. He realized he had no way to change his friend back into a human.

"Don't panic. I'm sure the counterspell is in the book," said Leona. "We just need to-" Both she and Thomas froze as they heard voices.

"Oh no," Thomas whispered. "We weren't the only ones that had this idea."

"Grab him," Leona instructed, meaning the toad. "There's an adjacent room we can hide in until it's safe to leave."

"If they catch us, we're going to be in so much trouble," Thomas worried. as he picked up Geoffrey the toad and they into the smaller adjoining room. They'd barely shut the door behind them before they identified the voices.

It was Leona's parents, Lady Morgana and Sir Leon. "What are they doing here?" Leona whispered, watching them through the crack in the door.

That was when Leona noticed her mother's clothes. She was wearing a very skimpy silky green dress and was giggling into her husband's ear. "Oh, good Sir Knight, have you brought me here to have your way with me?"

"Of course not, my lady," said her father. "I will keep to the knight's code and protect you from all who wish you harm. Unless you want me to-"

"Mmmm," said her mother. "I've only wanted that for months now, imagining us in this room. You shouldn't keep a lady waiting."

"Oh, gross!" Leona stuck her tongue out for emphasis as she watched her parents kiss and her father run his hands across his mother's chest. "I think they're going to…"

That was when Geoffrey croaked. Morgana and Leon quickly jumped apart, looking around for the source of the noise.

"That's odd," said Leon. "I was sure I heard something. It almost sounded like a frog."

"I think it's coming from the other room," said Morgana, heading that way.

Thomas and Leona knew they were done for. Until something else happened. More voices could be heard coming up the stairs. As if things weren't already complicated!

"Shit," Morgana cursed as she adjusted her dress. "We can't let them catch us! Into the other chamber."

Leon followed his wife into the adjoining room, finding himself face to face with Thomas and his daughter.

"What are you doing here?" Both women asked.

Leona looked disgusted. "I know what you're doing here. Ew, guys. If you wanted to do 'that', why didn't you just stay in your bedroom?"

"Don't talk to your mother that way," said Leon, but he was blushing.

Then Morgana noticed the toad. "Is that…" She looked appalled. "Is that Geoffrey?"

Thomas gave her a guilty look. "How can you tell?"

"Young man, I am the most powerful witch in all of Camelot," Morgana informed him. "Do you really think that I couldn't identify your poor friend's magical energy? You came up here to practice forbidden spells! Why, I should tell your mother that-"

The voices coming up the stairs grew louder.

"Shhh," Leon cut her off. They quickly forgot their quarrel as they listened to the familiar voices.

"It's my mother. And Sir Lancelot," Thomas correctly identified the voices. Sir Lancelot had been assigned as his mother's official protector by Arthur, after a dark wizard spoke of others coming to kill Guinevere and her son. "I wonder what they are doing here?"

Morgana moved to open the door to warn them but she was too late.

"Oh Lance, take me here. Now, on this floor," Gwen moaned.

"Yesss," Lancelot hissed, laying her down and climbing on top of her.

Thomas's mouth fell open in horror as he watched them kiss. Anger welled up in him as he processed what was happening. "Mum is cheating on my dad? With Sir Lancelot?"

"Wait, Thomas…" Morgana tried to explain but Thomas had pushed past her.

"Mum, what are you doing?" Thomas raged.

"Thomas!" Gwen gasped as she saw her son, straightening up as she moved away from Lancelot. Her son wasn't supposed to see this private display… no one was. It was supposed to be an empty room. For thirteen years, she and Lance had been so careful. To have it all unravel now was unbearable. "I- I can explain…" Tears formed at the queen's eyes as she took in Thomas's look of fury.

"That's nothing to explain," Thomas said tersely. "How could you do this to Father? How could you sully your love?"

"I'm sorry, Gwen, he ran past me," said Morgana, rushing into the room with Leon and their daughter.

"Thomas, there's more to this situation that you know," Lancelot tried, but Thomas only glared at him.

"My father trusted you!" Thomas swore under his breath. "He assigned you as my mum's protector, and this is how you repay him?"

"Thomas, I didn't want you to find out this way," Gwen said sadly. "We wanted to wait until you were older, when you could understand the situation for what it is. I see we have waited too long."

"Does Father know?" Thomas asked quietly.

Gwen and Lance exchanged a look. "Well, about that-"

That was when they all heard more voices. "Arthur, I don't have that much time. I don't see why you need me to examine the room."

It was Arthur and Merlin.

"Fuck!" Morgana swore. "All of you, into the other room, now!" When the most powerful witch in all of Camelot speaks, everyone listens.

Thomas, Leona, Morgana, Leon, Gwen, and Lancelot all crowded into the adjoining chamber as they closed the door behind them.

"So what do you think of the new chambers?" Arthur asked.

"Not bad," Merlin considered, hiding a smile. He did love to rile Arthur up. After fourteen years of being together, and four more before that as friends, he was quite good at it by now.

"Let me look," Thomas tried to go up to the door, to see out of the crack, but Morgana wisely blocked his path.

"Shhh," she whispered. "If we're quiet, they won't hear us and we all won't have to explain what we're doing up there. None of us are supposed to be here!"

"Not bad?" Arthur sounded offended. "I get the magic students up here to make this place especially for you and all you can say is 'not bad'?"

"It's not that I'm not grateful, I am," said Merlin. "But isn't this kind of extravagant? Even for you?"

"This is a gift for you, Merlin. I had these room built for you, to use as a workshop."

"For just me?" Merlin teased.

"For us," Arthur clarified.

"Oh no," Morgana whispered. She was quite familiar with Arthur and Merlin's interactions and this sounded like exactly like foreplay.

"Merlin," Arthur said softly, intertwining his hand with his sorcerer's. "Please."

"Please what?" Merlin smirked.

"I am the king," Arthur reminded him. "You can't speak to me like that."

"Or what?" Merlin leaned in closer to Arthur, his breathing a little heavy. "You'll put me in the stocks? You'll kick me out of our chambers? That's hardly much of a threat."

"Don't make me beg for it," Arthur growled.

"Mmm, I wouldn't dream of it," said Merlin as he magically removed their shirts. He grinned seductively at Arthur. "Only you would build a whole new set of rooms just so we could-"

"Fuck!" Arthur cut him off, reveling in his own pleasure as he captured Merlin's lips with his own. He pinned Merlin against a stone wall and began to press close, reveling in the skin to skin contact. Merlin let out a small, breathy moan. "Arthur…I wanted this so badly today. Oh God!" Merlin exclaimed, shutting his eyes as Arthur rubbed up against his crotch, just giving in the the delicious sensations.

"Merlin!" Arthur gasped. "You're mine. Do you understand me?"

"Always," Merlin panted before their lips met once again.

"No," Thomas whispered, as he listened to his father and Uncle Merlin declare their love...no, their lust for one another. The anger returned as he listened to his father and Merlin's breathy moans. Thomas twisted past as stunned Morgana and darted out the door, interrupting Arthur and Merlin's 'playtime'.

"Father!" Thomas cried, confused and hurt by all that he'd witnessed. "Why would you do this? You're supposed to be in love with my mum."

Arthur and Merlin separated, both sporting guilty looks.

"Thomas, please go easy on them," Gwen pleaded. "It's not what it seems."

"Mum, you knew about them?" Thomas was appalled.

"Of course I did," said Gwen. "I gave them my blessing."

"What?" Thomas wondered, still wrapping his head around the fact that his father and Uncle Merlin were in a homosexual relationship. "I don't understand. This doesn't make any sense."

"Thomas, Arthur and I have an unusual arrangement," said Gwen. "Even though we are married, I secretly promised myself to the man I love and so did Arthur. He loves Merlin more than anything. That's also how I feel about Lance."

But Thomas put Gwen and Lance out of his mind for the moment. "Father?" Thomas squeaked. "You and Merlin? You're with a man? I had no idea that you liked men."

"Well obviously I do. Son, I will love Merlin until the end of time," Arthur grated out. "I know you've been given a shock today, but trust me when I say that, technically, no one has been cheating."

"He's right, Thomas," Merlin added. "Your parents' marriage has always been one of convenience. You don't know the whole story. Did you know that before she married your father, Guinevere was Lancelot's fiance?"

"No," Thomas admitted. He looked from Arthur to Gwen, apprehensive. He didn't think he would like the explanation they were about to give him.

"We loved each other, Thomas," said Gwen. "We were about to be married but Lance didn't make it to the wedding. He was on patrol that morning and his unit was attacked."

"Then we believed Lance to be dead at the hands of dark sorcerers," said Merlin. "I examined the blood left behind, and thought that Lance must be gone with that much blood loss. We were all thrilled when Lancelot showed up back in Camelot months later."

"But by then I had already married Arthur," said Gwen.

"But you didn't love him," Thomas pointed out. You've always told me that it's very important to be in love with the person I choose as my consort. When you didn't do that? Why would you marry Arthur when you were still mourning for Lancelot?"

"Let's go, children," said Morgana, ushering Leona and Geoffrey out of the room. Leon went behind her. They didn't need to be present for this private conversation.

"Because Lance and I had already…" Gwen blushed. "When I thought him dead, I knew I had to find a new husband. So Arthur graciously agreed to make me his queen."

"When Lancelot came back, why didn't you could ask for a divorce?" Thomas wondered.

"Because our people already believed that you were our heir," said Gwen. "Arthur and I had announced it months before."

"Do you understand what we're saying?" said Arthur. "I have never been intimate with Guinevere." Merlin grabbed Arthur's hand and squeezed it in silent support. Both couples were expectantly looking at Thomas.

"B-but…" Thomas stuttered. "That means…" He couldn't finish his sentence, his mind reeling from the revelation.

"Yes," said Arthur. "I'm not really your father. Lancelot is. He and your mother have been in an exclusive relationship since the moment I made him Guinevere's protector."

"You did that on purpose, so they would be able to spend time together," Thomas said slowly.

"That's right," said Arthur. "I wanted them to be happy, as happy as I was with Merlin."

"How did that come to be?' Thomas asked. He wasn't disgusted, just surprised.

"It's a long story," said Merlin, sharing a glance with his king. "We fell in love just before your grandfather Uther died. It took us four years to figure out that we were made for each other. Our love had blossomed out of a long standing friendship."

Thomas nodded slowly. "Now that I think about it, you and Arthur spend much more time together that he does Mum."

"And there you have it," said Arthur, trying to lighten the conversation. "I try not to favor Merlin over Gwen, but sometimes it just happens. I try to be subtle about it."

"Yes, you were being subtle when you ordered these rooms to be built as a gift to Merlin," Thomas muttered.

"Thomas," Gwen said sternly. "Don't make this worse than it needs to be."

Thomas looked at Arthur. "So what are you to me? You're not my real father, but I believed you to be all my life."

"I have always loved you as a father, even if you're not my biological child. You'll still need to call me your father in public," said Arthur. "But when we're in private, I'd suggest you do so to Lance. He really loves you, you know."

"I know you're hurt because we lied to you," Lance said softly. "But I'd like to make it up to you. Spend some time together, as father and son."

"I don't know," said Thomas. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around all this."

But now that he thought about it, he'd noticed his mother and Lancelot were touching, sometimes holding hands under the table at meal times. At the time, Thomas had thought nothing of it.

Merlin and Arthur had behaved the same way. They would exchange glances, they would defend the other, and they would disappear for long periods of time under guise of getting work done.

He supposed that both couples were having sex. Thomas shuddered. He didn't want to think about his parents and their lovers doing that. They were all so old! Not to mention that Thomas didn't understand the mechanics of how Arthur and Merlin could become intimate.

"I need some time to mull this over," said Thomas. "I'm going to go to the gardens."

"By all means," said Arthur. "But promise me you're not going to tell a soul, other than Morgana and Leon."

"I promise, said Thomas.

"Very well," said Merlin. "We'll leave you to your walk then."

Thomas ran down the spiral staircase, tears prickling at his eyes. He didn't know what to do. This was too much for him to handle. He made his way to the garden, all the while thinking about the news he just heard.

He loved his parents - biological or no - more than anything, and all they loved him, so what was the problem? Thomas just hated being blindsided about the news. He wasn't ready to accept it, that Arthur and Merlin were together, as well as her mom and his protector. And then there was the fact that he was supposed to be the next king although no Pendragon blood ran through his veins. Was that even allowed? He didn't think so, according to the law. Had his whole life been a lie?

The heir to the throne stayed out in the gardens mulling all of this over until it was time for dinner. He took dinner in his chambers, not wanting to see his parents just yet. He called his two best friends to share in the meal. Leona and Geoffrey didn't know why they were summoned. Then Thomas told them everything. He knew he wasn't supposed to tell anyone about what he'd learned in the tower, but if the grown-ups could lie to him, he felt justified in doing this. He only hoped that Leona and Geoffrey could help him make sense of it all.

End Chapter 11

A/N: I know, a bit of a cliffie. I'll address that in the next chapter. Thanks for the reviews and sticking with me! Hugs.


	10. Sinchronicities

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine.

A/N: I have no idea the age difference between Merlin and Arthur so I made it up.

Bonus Chapter - Synchronicities

"Tell me something I don't know about you," said Merlin. He and Arthur were lying in their king-sized bed, curled up together as they were indulging in a rare lazily spent morning.

This was a game that they occasionally played. Merlin knew many things about Arthur's past, but he didn't know everything. The same was true for Arthur. So they would ask each other this question to learn about each other. It was a form of intimacy that they both enjoyed as they rested in between 'fun activities'.

"When I was two years old, I choked on a piece of chicken," said Arthur.

"Wow. That's very interesting, Arthur," Merlin said dryly. Perhaps his king wasn't taking the exercise seriously.

"Shut up, idiot," Arthur growled. "Let me finish."

"Fine." Merlin grinned at his king. He did love to provoke Arthur. It was one of his main goals in life.

"The chicken got lodged in my throat and no matter how hard I coughed, it wouldn't come out. I almost died that day due to lack of air."

"Oh," Merlin said softly, squeezing Arthur's hand. "I bet that was awful."

"It was terrifying," Arthur agreed. "Apparently, I turned blue. My father all but had a heart attack, as he almost lost his only heir to the throne."

Merlin shook his head. "I'm sure he was more concerned about losing you, his son that he cared for very much."

"Maybe," said Arthur, but he didn't sound convinced.

"How did you survive?" Merlin asked.

"Gaius happened to be in the room. He did this thing where he got behind me and pushed his arms up under my ribcage. The chicken flew out of my mouth and I could breathe again."

"Lucky Gaius was there," said Merlin. "If he hadn't been, I never would've met the love of my life."

"I'm sure you'd found someone else," Arthur quipped, but he was pleased. "Alright, your turn."

Merlin hemmed and hawed before he settled on a suitable topic. "Let's see. When I was six, I had a really nasty tantrum…" But then he reconsidered. "I don't know, Arthur. I still have a lot of shame around this memory."

"All the more reason to tell me," said Arthur. "You know I won't judge you."

Merlin grudgingly agreed that Arthur was right. It would probably do him good to share this with Arthur. "Alright. I was at the village school and I was knowingly disobeying the rules. I was frustrated about something and I was jumping up in down and whining. My teacher had asked me to stop jumping. I was just about to stop when I was overcome by this sense of total fear. In the confusion, I jumped only once more, right at the exact moment she asked me to stop. My teacher lost her temper with me, which I thought was totally unfair because I stopped right when she asked me to. She, too, was overcome by frustration and told me I had to visit the village elder."

"The leader of the village? That doesn't sound so bad," said Arthur.

"Yes, but that only happened to children who were really bad, and the punishments were severe - usually you'd get a switching. But most of all, I was embarrassed that I had misbehaved so badly that I was being sent to the elder." Merlin hung his head. "I screamed and kicked and bit my teacher, as I did not want to go. My anger triggered my magic, which invisibly blanketed the other children in fear, making them feel exactly what I was feeling."

"You could do that, even when you were that young?" Arthur sounded awed.

"Unfortunately," said Merlin. "My teacher brought me right away to the elder's hut. It took them both a long time before they could calm me down - they had to let my tantrum run its course. After I quieted, they fetched my mother and I had to explain to her what I'd done. Seeing the disappointment on her face was far worse than any physical punishment that would come later."

"Huh," said Arthur. "I probably had tantrums at least once a day when I was that age. It was a long time ago. I wouldn't worry about it," the king said bracingly.

"Yes, but you didn't have magic," Merlin reminded him, not holding it against Arthur that he didn't understand about the tantrums. Being the prince, he must not have been punished for such behavior. "When I came back to school the next day, my teacher made me apologize to all of the students for scaring them. I was overcome by guilt. Ever since then, I've put a tight hold on my magic. I managed to keep my anger in check before I had the trouble with the poultices."

"Did you ever figure out what had caused your tantrum?" Arthur wondered.

"Never," said Merlin, sounding weary.

"You have such a vivid memory," said Arthur, sounding impressed. "I have few memories of my childhood."

"Well, I remember that one because it affected how I lived the rest of my life," said Merlin. "I'll never forget it. It was the first day of winter and the first snow had already blanketed the ground."

"Really?" Arthur was astounded. "What a coincidence! The day I had my choking accident was the first day of winter too. I know because my father always made a toast in my honor every year on that day, to honor my life."

"Wait…" Merlin stared at Arthur, dumbfounded. "I'm four years older than you. If our days and times are correct, it seems that we had these incidents on the exact same day."

"What are the chances of that?" Arthur breathed.

But the sorcerer was way ahead of him. "What if I mentally felt your distress?" Merlin wondered. "What if I experienced your fear as if it were my very own, which triggered the full blown tantrum?"

"Merlin," said Arthur, rolling his eyes. "Come on. The chances of that are-"

"Why not?" Merlin challenged. "We have a very strong mental bond. You know this."

"Now we do," said Arthur. "But we never even met each other as children. You grew up in Ealdor, while I was here in Camelot. We didn't know each other existed."

"But even as a child, I was a powerful warlock," said Merlin. "It's possible that I sensed you from a great distance. Our destinies have always been intertwined."

"Do you really think that's possible?" Arthur asked.

"I think it's a likely explanation for my behavior," said Merlin. "I was scared of losing you, even if I couldn't put a reason behind that fear at the time."

"Then perhaps it's true," said Arthur. He knew better than to argue when Merlin made remarks like that, even if he didn't quite understand the logic behind them.

Merlin smiled. He liked to think that his magic had always been sensitive to Arthur's mind, even though they'd grown up in different places, at different ages.

"I love you, Merlin," Arthur said softly. "I know that growing up with magic must've been difficult. You didn't know what was happening to you, and you were told that it was something you had to hide."

"Yes," said Merlin. "At that age, my magic would manifest whether I liked it or not. Thank goodness I managed to master it before anyone truly got hurt." That was when he remembered what he'd done to Arthur. "I didn't mean to remind you of…" The sorcerer trailed off.

"Merlin - don't," Arthur said sternly. "I forgave you for the incident with the poultices a long time ago."

"But-"

"But nothing," Arthur snapped. "It wasn't your fault. Neither was your tantrum. Alright?"

"I made a bad choice. Both times," Merlin said with a catch in his voice.

"It doesn't matter," said Arthur, changing tactics. Instead of being firm, he tried to soothe Merlin, to make him realize how much he was loved. Merlin responded better to that kind of treatment. "We all make mistakes. Especially when we're children."

"I couldn't afford any mistakes," said Merlin. "Any more slip ups and I could've been reported to the authorities."

"But that didn't happen," Arthur reminded him. "You're safe now. You're done with that chapter of your life. You've moved on."

"I have," Merlin realized, it dawning on him that he had a better control over his magic than he'd ever had previously.

"And you've got me - forever." Arthur beamed at his warlock, trying to reassure him. "You've taught me so much, about magic, about fairness, about love."

"And you have taught me about patience - having to put up with a prat like you was rather trying at times," said Merlin, trying to fall back into their normal banter.

"Like you were any better," Arthur retorted. "You were the worst servant I've ever had."

"Thanks," said Merlin, the corners of his lips lifting in a tiny grin.

Arthur nodded at him. "Anytime."

Then he pulled Merlin out of bed. They had a full day ahead of them, where they'd both accomplish great tasks and work towards peace throughout the kingdom. But then they'd return to their chambers at the end of the day and hold each other, and do it all over again. Arthur wouldn't have it any other way.

End Bonus Chapter


	11. Merthur Between Lives

Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine.

.~.

Bonus Chapter - Merthur Between Lives

A/N: This is a bit different from my usual fare. People are always writing stories about Arthur and Merlin being reincarnated in the future, but I don't know of any that explain what happens to them when they are between lives. Hence, this. I've watched a lot of movies and read a lot of books about what people think Heaven (or whatever you want to call it) is like after having near death experiences. This is my take on it.

.~.

Those few mortal souls who have travelled to the Higher Realms and back have tried to describe them to their fellow humans, but words cannot do them justice. Part of this reason is because when you live in the Higher Realms, you can mold your reality into anything you like. You could reside in a calm, sprawling forest with redwood trees that stretched high into the clear blue sky. You could live on a beach, with violet waves lapping at the sand, wrapped in warmth streaming down from the summer sun. You could stay in a frozen world bathed in snow and ice without the discomfort of the bitter cold. You could live in a world all your own, if you wished to have solitude. Or, if you wanted company, you could live in a city of light and interact with the other fellow energy beings that resided there.

These beings could take any form they wished, human or otherwise, but their default was a shimmering orb of pure energy. These orbs had varying sizes and shades of colors, and no one was exactly like another. Many of the orbs liked to travel in groups or in pairs, with those they had known from past lives.

One such pair was floating together through the stars, experiencing the intimacy of joining their essences. They had no names at the moment - they didn't need them as they were identified by their unique energy signatures. This pair had been residing in the Higher Realms for some time. While they enjoyed the peace and the pure love that coursed through them and all of their fellow beings binding them together with the Source, they both agreed that the peace could get a bit boring. Now that they'd had plenty of time to rest since their last assignment, they were ready to take part in a new challenge, to begin a new incarnation.

"Ahem. We've been summoned," said the silver orb, signaling for them to separate as they both received the message telepathically.

"Finally!" the golden orb exclaimed. "Peace and quiet here is alright for awhile, but I'm dying to go on another adventure. I want to experience life in a human body again, and all the pleasures it entails."

"That's not the reason why we incarnate," the Silver one scolded. "We're supposed to use that time to grow spiritually, and learn to help others and work towards peace on whatever world we're on."

"Why can't I do both?" The Golden one countered.

"You're unbelievable." The Silver one bristled while its golden counterpart shone with laughter.

"And yet, you still love me."

"Yes." The silver one would never feel complete without its golden companion, and the reverse was true.

"You won't agree to a mission unless I'll be there too, right?" The Golden one's question was unnecessary.

"It will be like we always do - we protect each other."

"Let's try not to die in battle this time, though," the Golden one said with a shudder. "It was quite traumatizing until we made it back up here and went through detox. It always takes awhile to acclimate to the higher dimensions after being stuck in the lower realms, and that time took the longest."

"Agreed," said the Silver one. "I never want to watch you die like that again."

.~.

They reported to the Teacher's residence, eager to receive their new assignments, which were missions to worlds which were still shrouded in separation.

"Welcome," said the Teacher as they entered his home, which today was a medieval castle, complete with turrets and colorful banners of crimson and gold. "I have selected a mission for the both of you. Of course you may incarnate on whatever planet you wish - this is only a suggestion. However, after reviewing your history, you both seem partial to learning your lessons on the planet known as Earth. Is that correct?"

"Yes," said the two.

"These are some of the most difficult missions we ever give," the Teacher cautioned. "I must remind you that, on Earth, you're completely cut off from the Higher Realms and all who reside here. You have no idea that we exist, or that your life has any meaning other than what you make of it. You believe that your planet is the only one in the universe which has intelligent life. You're taught that death is the end, unless you choose to believe in some form of religion which carries both truths and lies about us. It is a hard life to live. It is often fraught with fear, betrayal, and heartbreak. Are you certain you're up to the challenge?"

"We'll be fine. We've done this many times before," the Silver one assured him. "We can do it again."

The Teacher handed them their dossiers on their new identities. Without further ado, they assumed the human forms at the ages in which the two men were destined to meet.

"Hey, look at me!" The Golden one morphed into the young adult form of his new human host. He inhabited the form of a strong, muscular young man, with striking blue eyes and golden hair. He caught a glimpse of himself in a nearby mirror. "I'm gorgeous." He smirked at his companion. "Wouldn't you say so?"

"Why do you always have to be the attractive one?" The Silver one complained, as he assumed his new form. "I can't even grow facial hair at this age." His form was tall and lanky, with thick dark hair and discerning blue eyes.

The Golden one glanced down at his file and scowled. "There's a lot of extraneous information on here that I'd rather not read. Can you just sum up what we're supposed to do?"

"We really need to work on your interpersonal skills," said the Silver one, giving the Teacher an apologetic shrug.

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it," said the Teacher, "is to assume the forms of these men, and carry out the deeds detailed on the prompt. Which means, yes, you have to read it. "

"Fine. Let's see." The Golden one skimmed the files. "My name will be Arthur Pendragon and I will become king of a place called Camelot. Also, I'm to be quite skilled with a sword and have a command of tactical knowledge. Brilliant!"

"And I'm to be called Merlin Emrys, and I'll be gifted with sorcery. I'm to be Arthur's secret protector from all who seek to destroy him and all he stands for." The silver one frowned. "Is magic allowed on Earth during this time period?"

"That is up to you," said the Teacher. That probably meant no. Merlin hated it when the Teacher was purposely vague, as higher dimensional beings were wont to do. He was no help at all. Merlin would've preferred a straight answer.

"So on what date do we meet each other this time?" Arthur asked. "It's not on the prompt."

"Are you sure you just didn't want to read everything?" Merlin teased.

"Of course I'm sure!" Arthur glared at him. "It's not on here. Why isn't it on here?"

"Fate can only grant so much," the Teacher reminded them. "It is predestined that you will cross paths, but you may not even interact. You could pass each other on the streets, and never realize your connection. At this time, we don't know on what day this will occur. The future is always in motion."

"There must be something you can do! We can't risk a repeat of our second to last mission, where we never had a chance to speak to one another and then all hell broke loose a year later," said Arthur. Then he made an ultimatum. "We won't carry out this mission unless you allow our soulbond to exist on Earth."

The Teacher blanched. "Are you sure that's a good idea? We rarely permit it, as it's a terrible risk. On Earth, this does not translate to a bond of mere friendship, but it pertains to romantic love."

"Yes, that's the idea," said Merlin. He and Arthur exchanged a long glance that spoke of their deep affection for each other. In past lives they had almost always been secret romantic partners. More often than not, if there had been a complication with class, race, or gender difference, those lives had ended in tragedy.

The Teacher continued, "If we allow your bond to manifest on Earth and either one of you deny your love for each other, you'll both become depressed, experience debilitating headaches, and suffer from long bouts of loneliness. It will detract from your drive to carry out your mission."

"But if we're soulbonded, we're guaranteed by you to have a true interaction," Merlin said. "I know that, at least unconsciously, we'll recognize each other."

"I don't know," said the Teacher. "In this life, you'll both be men. During this time period, any romantic relationship between you would be forbidden."

"I always forget that about Earth when I've stayed here too long, how important gender is to the humans," said Merlin. "Gender means nothing here."

"That won't matter," Arthur assured the Teacher. "What time period is it?"

"You will incarnate in the midst of the Dark Ages."

"The Dark Ages?" Arthur frowned. "Sounds depressing."

"Yes, every planet has them," said the Teacher.

"Which Dark Age, the first or the second?" Merlin asked.

"What's the difference?" Arthur wanted to know.

Apparently Arthur needed a reminder of the pattern that most planets followed. Like most worlds, Earth's history was marred by warring tribes that led to rise and fall of many civilizations. Their first true Dark Age started with the collapse of what the humans called the Roman Empire which led to the loss of many scientific achievements and advancements as well as spiritual knowledge.

On other planets whose development was similar to Earth, this first Dark Age always came to an end during a period of enlightenment, mass communication, and creativity pertaining to the arts. Unfortunately, this renaissance period wouldn't last long and the shadow of war and separation quickly returned. The second Dark Age always came to an end when the inhabitants of that planet renounced the evils of war and established world peace. All in the Higher Realms were hopeful that this would someday come to pass on Earth.

"The first Dark Age," said the Teacher.

"Great," Arthur said glumly. "We'll be living in squalor - stuck in the middle of a paranoid, backward, and war-torn culture. Will I even know how to read?"

"As a future king, I expect you will," said Merlin. "Me, on the other hand, I'm to be born a poor peasant boy. I'll probably be illiterate," he said glumly. "How could you possibly be attracted to someone like that?"

"I will so," Arthur insisted. "It doesn't matter what form you take. Inside, you're still you. Somehow, I'll know that."

"I doubt it," said Merlin. "I'll be the one with magic, remember? When we meet, I should be able to sense our connection. The hard part will be convincing you to accept it."

"I have faith in you," said Arthur.

"Thanks," Merlin said softly.

Then Arthur advanced towards him and claimed Merlin's lips as his very own.

"Mmm," Merlin sighed as Arthur began to make his way down his neck. "Arthur."

"Merlin," Arthur hissed, tremors shaking his hands as he molded himself tightly against Merlin's wanting body. "It's been too long since we-"

The Teacher cleared his throat. "Gentlemen, I must remind you that I am still present."

"Oops?" Arthur looked sheepish while Merlin turned positively crimson.

The Teacher's mouth twitched with amusement. "Enjoy the pleasures of the flesh now if you must. But know that when you reach maturity on Earth, you must cultivate your relationship in order to succeed in your mission, to unite the five kingdoms and bring the return of Albion. It cannot be done without both of you," the Teacher warned. "But to me, it doesn't look like that will be too difficult. You seem to be, pardon my expression, joined at the hip." He chuckled as Arthur grinned and Merlin nodded, as it was true.

"We will not fail you," Arthur vowed. He knew that if a mission as vital as this wasn't accomplished, it would not bode well for the future of the planet. He reached out for Merlin's hand, who quickly grabbed it and laced their fingers together. "As long as Merlin and I are together, we will be unstoppable."

"Don't be too sure of yourself," the Teacher warned. "Merlin, you must keep this one humble. He may grow into a king and become a great warrior, but he will not be invincible."

"I shall remind him of that every day," said Merlin with a smile.

"Great," Arthur muttered. "And what about you, oh magical one? Who will keep you in check?"

"I will try to exercise control over the use of my gifts," said Merlin. "But if you think I'm exceeding my limits, please tell me so that I can correct myself."

Arthur scowled at his companion. Must Merlin always demonstrate his maturity? Arthur was mature too, thank you very much.

"Merlin has always been wise," said the Teacher. "Arthur, you would do well to listen to his advice."

"I suppose it depends on the manner of how the advice is given," said Arthur, giving Merlin a lecherous stare. "He shall have to demonstrate his exceptional powers of persuasion."

"I believe it is usually me that does most of the persuading, at least according to our past lives," Merlin smirked. Then he addressed the Teacher. "He acts like he's the dominant one in the relationship, but it's the other way around."

"Merlin," Arthur growled. "Did he need to know that?"

"No." Merlin sounded unconcerned with his answer.

Arthur looked affronted. "Then why did you offer that bit of information? It is false, of course."

"Of course," echoed the Teacher. "I know that you are fascinated with each other in your new bodies, but I need to give you some last instructions."

Arthur and Merlin had the decency to table their battle of wills and bring their attention to the Teacher. "You will pass through the Veil of Forgetfulness. You'll have no memory of the Higher Realms, no memory that you're souls living in human form, or that you have pledged to live out all your past and future lives together until the end of time."

"I believe I will be able to remember eventually," said Merlin. "The magic in me should know. I'll remember you, Arthur. I swear it."

Arthur hoped that Merlin would be right.

"You will be born in different places, but your paths will cross when you come of age," said the Teacher. "Are you ready to begin your next life?"

"We're ready," Merlin assured him.

"Hold on," Arthur interjected. "Before we join with our infant forms for the next life, I want us to have some time in these bodies, so we can become… reaquainted."

"Very well," said the Teacher. "We don't usually encourage such practices right before you pass through the veil, but in your case, it may prove to be beneficial. The nature of the mission is so important, that perhaps if you make a memory in this world between lives, you'll be able to remember when it matters most."

"Thank you," said Merlin, his eyes shining with anticipation. "We'll report back soon."

Merlin and Arthur quickly transported back to their home, their little piece of heaven where they usually lived. "Soon I'll have to be separated from you," Arthur whispered. "I do not wish to be."

"We will not truly be separated," Merlin reassured him. "It is but the game we all play. On Earth, we feel like we're completely alone in the world. We feel abandoned by our fellow humans, trapped by the intensity of our love, and caged by the potency of our fear. None of that is actually true - we are just immersed in that illusion. We just can't see the real true with our limited human senses, that we aren't separate from each other at all."

"You will know," Arthur said heavily. "With your magic, you'll have access to the Source Of All That Is. You'll know that you aren't alone."

"That's true," Merlin conceded. "That inner knowing comes with being a sorcerer."

"Then you'll have to convince me," said Arthur. "About our destiny, about our soulbond… all of it."

"I will," Merlin promised. "Do you trust me, Arthur?"

"With all that I am," the future king responded, his eyes locking with Merlin's.

"When I find you, and I will, we are destined to meet - I'll gain your friendship and then your trust. Then when the time is right, I'll show you a memory of us. A memory so powerful that you will not be able to deny your feelings for me."

"What memory?"

Merlin gently caressed his Arthur's cheek. "The one we're about to make right now."

Arthur smirked. "Does this by any chance involve us losing our clothes?"

"How did you know?" Merlin teased as he and Arthur quickly removed their garments. Then words ceased between them.

Arthur tried to sear this moment into his memory, as Merlin gently lay him down on their bed. He never wanted to forget how Merlin sounded when he came apart in Arthur's arms. Their joining was laced with both ecstasy and urgency, with Arthur praying that he would remember his love for Merlin during their next incarnation. That was the most important thing - their love, and their determination to succeed. If they had knowledge of that, then they had a very good chance at carrying out their mission.

"I suppose it's time," said Arthur as their breathing returned to normal.

"It is," Merlin affirmed.

"I don't want to go," Arthur said, sounding plaintive.

"Yes you do," said Merlin. "You hate the complacency of these realms. You've been begging me to do this for awhile, and I'm rather looking forward to it."

"I know, but I forgot how different from here it feels when we're on Earth. In many of my past lives, I believed that if you got killed, I'd never see you again. I didn't believe in an afterlife - I didn't understand how such a thing could be possible. I was never very big on faith." Arthur's shoulders shook as Merlin tried to soothe him. "That kind of worry gnawed at me, drove me to pushing you away because my feelings were all mixed up and I couldn't make sense of them."

"Don't worry - this time I'll set you straight," said Merlin.

"What if you're captured or hurt before you have the chance?" Arthur sniffed. "If I can't get to you in time, if I can't stop people from harming you, it will destroy me."

"I'll have magic this time," Merlin reminded him.

"Yes, but having magic doesn't make you invincible. I just don't want a repeat of last time, when we were both killed in battle."

"Yes, but Arthur, all of that wasn't real," Merlin reminded him. "This place is real. Our love is real and it will never die. We're going on this mission so that, eventually, the people of this war-torn planet will learn to value peace over war, to value love over fear. When that happens, they'll gradually gain access to the Higher Realms, and learn about our Universal Truths and Law of One. I believe that's worth sacrificing for, don't you?"

"Yes," Arthur firmly agreed. "You're right. I don't know why I lost sight of-"

"It's alright," Merlin cut in, giving Arthur a goofy smile. "Now, let's make good on our promise."

They instantly transported themselves to the Gateway between the worlds. As they approached the Gateway, they were enveloped by such a glorious, shimmering white light.

"This is it," said Arthur, filled with dread even as the soft light permeated his form, making it difficult to see Merlin. "We must pass through the Veil of Forgetfulness. When we wake up on Earth, I won't remember any of this, and neither will you."

"That may be, but somehow I'll always know that you're in my heart," Merlin reminded him. "I will not remember everything right away - that's how the rules of the game are designed, so we can't cheat the game and remember. But when the time is right, my magic will awaken the truth about our mission and our love. I'll just have to convince you that what I say is the truth. If I can't, then all of this will be for naught."

"You'll convince me," said Arthur, trying to sound confident while his voice caught on several of the words. "You'll have to."

"I will," Merlin promised. "I love you, my Golden One."

"And I love you," Arthur whispered. "Forever."

"Forever," Merlin echoed before he pressed his lips to Arthur's forehead. Then Merlin walked through the gateway, swallowed up by the light until Arthur could no longer see anything but a silver mist.

End Bonus Chapter 13

A/N: Comments? Thoughts? Could you follow that? Was it too weird? Did you like the Merthur soulbonded through time and space?!

I'm celebrating 50 chapters of Merthur goodness on this thing. Yayyyyyyyyy!


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